Jujube

Chapter 38

Lu Xinyao is not a qualified brother.He said he taught me badly.

I don't think it's right, most good things are not strong, and good things will go bad. I am already a bad thing, and I am willing to be taught to be bad by him.

Lu Xinyao knew that his younger brother was sick, but he didn't know that he was already terminally ill and there was no cure for it. —I let him know tonight, and he taught me how to get stuck.

Lu Xinyao didn't send me away, he took me to his place.

I leaned on my brother again, and I followed him across the street, up the stairs, and into the house.Everything in front of me is strange, but I have a feeling of coming home.

The rare clarity and tranquility, time turned into a thin stream of water in the shower, dripping from the black hair, but the heartbeat is still anxious, I am afraid that my brother will go, or let me go.Although I already know where he lives, although he washed my hair for me.

A room full of blurred fog, moist and warm, wafting with the fragrance of jasmine.

I heard my brother say to me, Mengli, I don't know how to be your brother.

I look at my brother in the mirror, running his fingers through my wet hair, blowing out the locks with the blow dryer.The most I can see is my brother's chin, a small mole next to his Adam's apple, which floats when he speaks.He said that he thought that raising a child was not much different from raising a cat or a dog. He only needed to provide for me to eat and go to school, and not let Sun Yuemei send me away.

What Sun Yuemei and Meng Guanghui can do, my brother thinks he can do it too.But Lu Xinyao said: "... Later I found out that I seem to be inferior to them."

The first time he told me these things, I said to my brother, "You're better than them all."

I heard him laugh.When Meng Guanghui died, Lu Xinyao agreed to be my brother, but he didn't care about me afterwards.When I passed the No.1 exam and when I learned to cook the first dish, I ran to tell my brother excitedly, otherwise he would not know.He was very busy at that time, because he had to support two people. Of course, he was not only busy making money, but he also wanted to play, but not with his younger brother.

The first time my brother found out that he didn't care about me was the night of my wet dream. I was afraid of being discovered by him and sneaked to the toilet, but he found out anyway. I still remember him casually teasing me and saying that I" Pee your pants". ——In fact, Lu Xinyao said that he was actually a little surprised at the time. In his impression, I was still a primary school student, but I was already in junior high school at that time.

I am under my brother's eyes every day, so he doesn't even know when I grew up.But in retrospect, my brother was only young at that time, and it was the first time he became an elder brother. Who knows how to be another person's elder brother from birth?I don't blame him.

The hair dryer was buzzing, and a warm current rushed straight into my ears, making it itchy—not just my ears.

I carefully looked at my brother’s residence in Nanting: blue curtains, ocher wooden wardrobe, a small sofa, a set of tables and chairs, and a few newspapers spread out on the table (Nanting Daily, my brother was working for the daily office at the time) live), a single bed.My brother's bed, I remember very clearly, its sheets, quilt covers, pillows, what kind of color, thickness, and size.Just enough for me and my brother to share the same quilt.

It's really like a stolen night. I think it's very thrilling, and I worry about gains and losses.Why did my brother come to see me?If he hadn't opened the piggy bank, if he hadn't come... No, Nanting is so big, there are people everywhere, even if he came, what are the chances of meeting him?If you can't touch it, you retreat in spite of the difficulties, and you won't come.

Yet here he is.

The lights went out, and it was like being back in the broom closet in Baiquedang, and I squeezed myself into my brother's arms, talking to him.

I have been a coward since I was a child, but Lu Xinyao said to me that day, you are not a coward, you are very courageous.

He said: "You are afraid of me, yet you still dare to run away from home; after you run away from home, you still dare to follow me back." I don't think I ran away from home, because I brought my brother with me.

After holding it in for a long time, the mute also became a chatterbox. It turned out that I was chattering like my grandmother.After a long time, my brother thought I was noisy, so he covered my eyes with his hand and let me sleep.I told him that I couldn't sleep, but I didn't dare to sleep.I often dream about my brother, and what happens in the dream doesn’t count when I wake up.

"Brother, are you still going?" I asked.

The air was as silent as if I fell asleep, I couldn't see my brother, and I was anxious, my heart was beating very restlessly, and I was soothed by my brother's voice.He replied, "I am your brother, and I will not leave you behind."

In fact, he wanted to abandon me, because his younger brother would become crazy when he met him; but he couldn't do it, because he found that the crazy couldn't do without him until death.This is a lingering dead button.

And I didn't understand these at the time, because I didn't understand, so there were many problems that I didn't understand.

I know that my brother came to Nanting because of me, but why did he find me and then push me away, telling me to leave even though he didn't leave?If my brother doesn't tell me, I won't ask. I know that just as I treat him as my secret, now I am also his secret.

No matter what the reason is, he won't leave me anyway, and I won't let him go anyway.

"It's not just my brother." I thought to myself, and said the same.My brother must also know that we have already crossed the line.

The next morning my brother went to the newspaper office, and I went back to Xinghe. I was very excited all day, and when I got off work, I went back to my brother.During my last days in Nanting, I spent every night there.At my brother's house, we did a lot of things together.

My brother likes to play with my tongue, his fingers are the bait, he lures me like a fish, he gently scratches at the tip of the tongue; when the tongue comes out, he catches it, twists it, and eats it back.I guess my brother will like to keep turtles in the future. Next time he has a birthday, I will give him a turtle.

I bit my brother, bit his Adam's apple and shoulder, bit his hard collarbone, wishing I could eat him whole.But my brother is a bone spirit, he can't speak anywhere, and it hurts my toothache. ——But the bone spirit also has weaknesses?

The "soft underbelly" is so hard. (…)

The most unforgettable first time was also on this bed, just like the first night when I went home with my brother, my brother washed my hair for me.

My hair was dry, there was a bead of water on the mirror, and there was a little bead on my brother's finger, which he rubbed on my lips.As soon as I squeezed it, my finger was sucked in. I bit his finger and didn't let him go.

My brother lowered his eyes to look at me. If he doesn't stop me from biting him, I won't bite myself.I don't bite and my teeth itch, since my brother said that I am brave, I should do something out of the ordinary to prove my crime.I asked him resentfully and timidly: "Brother, are you married?"

My brother's eyes are dark and his heart is bright, how could he not see my temptation?I wanted to know, but I was a little scared. He must have seen through me, but he still told me the answer.

"No," I heard him say, "who do you think I should marry?"

Mei Qingqing.The name suddenly popped up in my mind, but I looked into my brother's eyes, my heart was pounding, and I said to him, "You marry me."

Proposing once is not enough, I'm afraid he will refuse.He said before, can he marry me?What if he wants kids?I was a little anxious: "Brother, you marry me! You marry me home. I will give birth to you, okay?"

I didn't choose what to say, and told an unfulfilling lie.It was too bold, and I was stunned after I finished speaking.I don't know how it all started, I was pressed against the wet mirror, Lu Xinyao put his arms around my waist.I felt the touch on my back, like playing a lute, luling, I trembled a little, the tip of my tongue was cold, being held in my brother's mouth... The moment I breathed and heard each other, my body became hot as I clinging to each other.

"Didn't you say that I'm married, you will be my lover?" He still remembered those nonsense.As he said, his hand was already half in the seam of his trousers, a kind of indistinct touch.I know, my brother doesn't like me being mean.

"I'm not going to be an underground lover anymore," the arrow was on the line, I was afraid that my brother would pull away and leave, so I grabbed his hand tightly, "Brother...don't go, I want you!"

I long for my brother.During the three years in Nanting, I missed him so much, I burned all inside, and missed him like a prairie fire. My whole mind was empty and I needed my brother to fill it up.

"I won't go." Lu Xinyao tugged at the corner of his mouth, which was both a fulfillment and a compromise.Just slip your hand in and go down the river... Ah, brother.I heard myself whine.I was dizzy, it came alive, the yin and yang were held by my brother, sliding in his hand.

Why is it that Lu Xinyao's fingers are alluring?Why does it not hurt if he does it?I buried my face in my brother's arms, bit his clothes, gasped for breath, tears welled up in my eyes, and both places were wet.I really didn't grow at all in his hands.

I stared blankly at Lu Xinyao's outstretched hand, which was dripping wet. He also looked at me, his eyes misty with lust. ——Lv Xinyao is bad here. He seduces me with male eyes, and at the same time orders me in the tone of a brother: lick it off.

I squeezed my lips with my fingers and stuffed it into my mouth without any explanation. I quickly sucked it in and licked it with my tongue.I kissed the scar on his hand. There used to be a cut here, an old scar, and the blood of that year could still be sipped when bitten open.But I don't want to bite him again.

I like my brother's hands, scarred and so beautiful.The old man in Baiquedang said that babies like to eat their fingers because there is white sugar on their fingers.My brother must also have sugar in his hands, which stimulated me to constantly secrete saliva, sticky, and the more I sucked, the wetter.Lu Xinyao pulled out his fingers wet with saliva, and I felt his hand touching my butt.

I suddenly trembled a little: "Brother, don't touch it!"

Lu Xinyao asked why.

I said, "Because you don't like my ass." I vividly remember every dream he'd touch me and tell me to fuck off.What he likes is Mei Qingqing's ass.

I heard Lu Xinyao laughed, and he asked me: "Who told you I don't like it?"

Before I finished speaking, my eyes turned around, and the blue curtain opposite turned into a mirror. I sat on my brother's lap, and suddenly, I felt a slight, stagnant pain.I felt a burst of numbness in my bones and muscles, and my blood rushed up excitedly, but my mind was extremely clear, and the picture in the mirror was so clear——

(...)

This is my brother!I thought with horror, ah, Lu Xinyao, we are connected by flesh and blood!This sudden thought brought me an indescribable pleasure. I thought it was my brother, and I couldn't help but feel extremely happy.

I love him, I want to rub him into my body and digest him into a part of my soul.