Zheng Wang

Chapter 77 I Don't Blame You

After leaving the Zhongshan Concert Hall, Guan Zan walked along Chang'an Avenue for a long time.

The rain in late spring is slanting, and the mist is drifting away.The thoughts in his mind were churning endlessly, and after the initial fear and horror, he finally calmed down again, as if nothing had happened, the surface was ordinary, and there were no more turmoil in his heart.

In front of the apartment building that day, he could intuitively sense that Ke Jinrui had reservations about him, but he didn't reveal it at the time, partly out of trust and partly out of understanding.Guan Zan's calmness of thought far exceeds his age. He is used to empathy, and he understands the truth of not telling the truth.In this matter, not only will he not feel deceived by concealing it, but he will take the lead in reflecting on why the other party did this.

In fact, there is no deep reason at all. People tell lies only out of protection, whether for themselves or for others.

Guan Zan tried his best to maintain a rational mind, rummaging through boxes and cabinets to find all possible excuses to excuse Ke Jinrui.But the swaying rain seems to be a bit too cold, penetrated into the skin, penetrated into the pores, the cold made his fingers tremble slightly, and his heart ached so empty.

This is not something to be treated rationally.

Regardless of whether the fake bomb was true or not, the result was already settled. His father committed suicide in a car accident with his body full of infamy, and his mother couldn't bear the blow and went mad. Their family is ruined, completely broken, and there is no room for maneuver.How can he calm down?Guan Zan breathed out almost uncontrollably, his death-like heart twisted and tightened uncomfortably, as if his breathing was tainted with the smell of wet blood.

He suddenly felt it was ridiculous, for the luck that he had sighed countless times in the past year.

At first, he only knew that the teacher's benevolence and generosity turned his gloomy and rough life around for him, but it was only now that he fully understood that Ke Su's appreciation contained too many debts and compensations, and that the father was buried under the winding road under his feet His bones and mother's ten-year-broken heart.

this is too scary.

For the more than 300 days and nights that he cherished and treated, those people whom he was grateful for and rewarded wholeheartedly, when good luck came, he accepted it with trepidation and cautiously asked himself whether these were real?He was so excited, so happy, so secretly happy, and he wanted to repay those passers-by who held umbrellas for him in the rain.However, everything is always determined, and in the end, the dust settles and the truth is torn apart—it’s not that he can’t accept that there are shadows hidden under the halo of a saint. In the sky, who would be willing to grind into the soil?

These truths are true, every word, no matter good or bad, noble or shameless, Guan Zan knows it by heart.But in the final analysis, he is just a mortal, and when things happen to others, he can treat them rationally. Once it happens to him, especially when it involves the cause of his family's ruin, he can't calm down, accept it, let alone forgive him!

Chang'an Avenue was too long, Guan Zan was exhausted from walking, and he couldn't breathe under the weight of the rain-wet backpack.

A whistle sounded in the distance, and the passing vehicles passed by. He seemed to come back to his senses suddenly, and the next moment he quickly opened his backpack to check the situation of the two piano scores.

The material of the backpack is not so waterproof, and the corners of the sheet music have been soaked. Guan Zan slightly arched his body to protect the bag on his chest, and hurriedly took out a tissue to wipe it.After wiping, his tense fingers stopped for no reason, and he remained motionless for more than a minute. He slowly squeezed the crumpled tissue into his palm, and then took out the two piano scores together like a normal person , walked a few steps quickly, and threw it into the trash can.

Guan Zan took a taxi to Anding Hospital, did not notify the nurses, did not enter the ward, but stood in the corridor until late at night.

At this point, he finally understood Yuan Xin's sensitivity, understood her insistence on going to Xishan, and finally understood the hysterical accusation she made when she went crazy to the point of nowhere.

Isn't that what it is?Guan Zan buried his face in his palm, it was he who killed him.

On the next Friday of the week, the personal concert will come as scheduled.

Just in June, a rain poured down, and the ground was flooded with rivers, and the audience who came to watch the performance were doused.

Today Guan Zan is just a supporting role, and after completing two pieces with Gu Wen, he quietly exits the stage.But the performance itself is impeccable. Guan Zan is in the limelight, and it is inevitable that he will overwhelm the guests. Even the old critic on Weibo who criticized him for being unsteady couldn't help affirming it. He posted a long post saying that Guan Zan's tone is calm this time Too much, the sound of the piano is quiet after the mind is calm, no longer aggressive and reckless, and has already shown signs of a performer.

On the way back to the backstage, there was a burst of warm applause outside, and the first small climax of the solo concert came. Huo Shaoqiu took the stage to play a solo, adding to the fun for the students.

Guan Zan paused under his feet, holding his breath to feel the calmness after the enthusiasm, that is the unique atmosphere of the concert, the unity of soul and music, more exciting than the applause.He likes this quietness very much. It is the audience's greatest respect for the performers, it is the recognition and praise of the performance, it is the expectation in the silence, and it is the supreme honor that people like them can enjoy.

Even if it belongs to someone else, even if he has retreated behind the scenes, he still misses it in his heart, and wants to hear more and feel more.

It wasn't until the sound of the piano came that Guan Zan breathed a sigh of relief, regained his composure, and continued walking towards the lounge.

When he arrived, there was someone in front of the door. Xu Zhendong was standing outside. The two met each other's eyes and nodded politely. When Guan Zan approached, Xu Zhendong said, "The old man is waiting for you inside, go in quickly."

Guan Zan gave a flat "hmm" and asked casually, "Why did the teacher come backstage, and the big brother's song just started?"

"Come to see you." Xu Zhendong opened the door for him, "The old man is very happy, he came over as soon as you tuned in, I'm afraid he won't be the first to see you."

Guan Zan nodded, without further words, he walked slowly into the lounge.

This room is for him to use alone, no one will disturb him, it is very quiet.Ke Su was flipping through the score on the coffee table, and when he heard the sound, he immediately followed the sound. When he saw Guan Zan, the old man smiled, put down the score and waved to him.Guan Zan sat down obediently, and Ke Su held up his right hand, and one by one, he went to untie the tortoiseshell armor wrapped around his fingers.

The hands of the elderly are cold, and the skin is no longer smooth. It feels dry and rough to the touch, like crumpled sulfuric acid paper.Guan Zan stared down at his slightly trembling fingers, watching him clumsily search for the adhesive tape, as if he was afraid of hurting him if he was not careful.

He couldn't bear it, he had to let go of the breath that was stuck in his chest, and said in a low voice: "Brother is absent, if this is known to others, there will definitely be objections, and I'm afraid he won't like it if he hears it."

"How old is Shaoqiu, can he still compete with you?" Ke Su didn't care, stuck the piece of tape on the back of the score, and continued to untie another piece, "There are so many people who like him, not bad Me alone, he probably got tired of seeing me as an old guy for so many years, so he won't mind."

Ke Su really loved him, and when he said this, there was a smile on the corners of his eyes and brows, the kind of joy that wished to hold him in his hands and pamper him.Holding Guan Zan's hand, he couldn't help touching those slender and well-proportioned finger bones, and felt sorry for the skin that had been glued off, fearing that he would hurt, so he would move extra lightly.

"The teacher is getting old, and I have seen too many flowers and applause in front of the stage, and now I want to change it." He looked up at Guan Zan, his cloudy eyes filled with love, "As long as you want, as long as the teacher's body It is also allowed that I will never miss any of your performances in this life. No matter what time, no matter where it is held, the teacher will always be waiting for you in the backstage. The front of the stage belongs to the audience, and the backstage is where we are, teacher Let me untangle your nails, okay?"

Guan Zan was cold all over, struggling constantly between impulsiveness and rationality, his face was as plain as before, and was even too pale by the overhead light, he stared into Ke Su's eyes without blinking, and was strangled by the soft and gentle emotion inside. Difficulty breathing.

After a long silence, he snapped back his fingers, stopped the teacher's movement, turned over and held those old hands into his palms.He asked with a half-smile: "The backstage...was it like this?"

Ke Su didn't know why, but the smile in his eyes deepened. He liked to listen to Guan Zan's words. It didn't matter what the content was, as long as the little apprentice opened his mouth, he would be very happy.

"When?" the old man asked.

Guan Zan lowered his eyelashes, stroked the back of the old man's withered hands with his fingers, and replied softly, "It was my dad's last performance here ten years ago." Ke Su was stunned, subconsciously wanting to withdraw his hand.Guan Zan didn't budge, and clenched his hand tightly, while the movement of the other hand was still very light, "You like him so much, you must have been backstage at that time, right?" He raised his eyes to meet Ke Su's gaze, "Otherwise, I would Can't convince him to fake the bomb, am I right?"

Ke Su stared at Guan Zan, watching the docile and clean eyes slowly cool down, becoming darker and purer, but without the slightest anger or blame.

Guan Zan said: "Don't worry, I have no other purpose, and I don't want to do anything. In fact, I don't know the meaning of talking to you. After all, you are so damn crazy, so I accepted you too. I have changed from a nanny to a student of Yangyin, I have nothing to ask, and I have no right to question you..."

"You have!" Ke Su panicked and interrupted him almost impatiently, "The teacher has always wanted to tell you, but he just didn't know how to tell you... I was wrong about what happened back then. The last scene will be able to end successfully. You don't know who were sitting outside at that time, the consequences of a temporary cancellation are unimaginable, I..."

He paused, tears welling up in the corners of his eyes, his slack cheeks were trembling, and he looked at Guan Zan with apprehensive eyes, both startled and frightened.

"Although it can't be said that it will fall short, but such a good opportunity, it will take at least several years to come again. Yu Wen is the earliest rookie in the circle. He has changed the international status of folk music. He has the ability to go higher. I don't want to see He...wasted unnecessary time..."

Guan Zan snorted, "Why are you so confused?"

"At that time, I just made two-handed preparations." Ke Su said, "Yu Wen agreed, but he also insisted on playing with injuries, and he didn't really fake it!"

Guan Zan looked at him blankly: "Then how can there be such a conclusion?"

"Backstage operation error." Ke Su murmured, "Yu Wen's performance ended, but the backup recording sounded. There were too many important guests that day, and the impact was bad. The ADPP had to investigate."

Guan Zan was silent at first, then stood up without saying a word.

Ke Su realized that he was going to leave, so he didn't even bother to pick up his crutches, so he quickly stood up while supporting the coffee table, and pulled Guan Zan's arm at a slant.

"where are you going?"

Guan Zan looked back at him, frowning slightly, and finally chose to give the old man a hand to make him stand firmly. "He definitely doesn't blame you." Guan Zan's voice was very soft, and it sounded like a careless meekness.

Ke Su had never seen such a cold expression on his face, his heart was still hanging, and his heart was throbbing with pain: "What about you?"

"I think so too." Guan Zan smiled. He pressed the old man's hand, broke off the phalanx, and pulled it down, "I know how kind you are to me, and I accept it. If you take it short, I say no to you." Say a word 'no'. But my mother is pitiful, she is so well-behaved that she is crazy. After hearing that the family who helped me was named Ke, she immediately knew to run to Xishan. How much does she hate? Do I need to say? "

"Teacher..." Guan Zan looked at him with tears in his eyes and shook his head, "This is the only mother I have left. She is so miserable, and her waking time is less than a fraction of her madness. How can I let her repeat it again? To be stimulated by that year?"

Ke Su heard the deep meaning, stepped forward excitedly, and wanted to pull Guan Zan.

"Don't force me." Guan Zan brushed his hand away sensitively, and retreated completely, "I am not suitable to be your student, and you are not suitable to be my teacher, either. It is not reasonable, and it is even more unacceptable." He said Bowing deeply to Ke Su, and standing up again, Guan Zan's face was full of tears, "I can't blame you, and I can't accuse you, so let it be."

After speaking, he walked towards the entrance quickly, opened the door, and left without looking back.

Xu Zhendong stood guard outside the door, and could faintly hear the debate inside. He planned to knock on the door to ask questions, but Guan Zan came out directly unexpectedly.He went in to check, and noticed that Ke Su's face was flushed, his palm was covering his heart, and he was out of breath.Xu Zhendong turned pale with fright, quickly took out his mobile phone to make a call, then put the old man back on the sofa, and found a quick-acting rescue for him.

Ke Su was too anxious, he opened the medicine bottle and said angrily, "Leave me alone, chase Guan Zan back."

Xu Zhendong knew which side was important, so he didn't listen at all, squeezed his cheeks and poured the pills in, and then stroked his chest to give the old man his breath. "Don't worry, Guan Zan is easy to find, but your heart can't play tricks." He comforted, "When the ambulance arrives, you go to the hospital first, and I will call the second young master later, and he will take care of it. You don't have to worry."

"It's not a trivial matter!" Ke Su shook his head wildly, crying so hard that he almost lost his breath, "Guan Zan knows! He knows everything! If he doesn't forgive me, he might never come back after leaving!" He pushed hard Xu Zhendong, "Go quickly! Go quickly!"