dhibooks Chapter 58 Hospital
Chapter 58 Hospital
The whole week of waiting for the consultation was extremely difficult, and Cheng Sheng had difficulty concentrating. In the middle of the big meeting on Tuesday, he felt that there was noise all around him, and his mind was distracted. Soon the assistant reminded him in a low voice: "It's your turn. You did."
Cheng Sheng let out an "ah" and suddenly came back to his senses. He rummaged through the documents in his hands but couldn't find anything. He said in full view: "Where did you just talk about?"
Frank on the other side saw that something was wrong with him, and immediately grabbed Cheng Sheng who was walking out holding his laptop, and forced him to stay in the conference room, and persuaded him politely, "Do you want to take a break?"
"Even if I want to rest and work, I can't do without me." Cheng Sheng raised his hand and pinched the bridge of his nose, but instead comforted Frank: "It's okay, I took half a day off on Friday to go to the hospital for re-examination, it shouldn't be serious, and there must be no problem with work. "
After he finished speaking, the other side couldn't say a word for a long time. Cheng Sheng felt that something was wrong, so he raised his hand and slapped Frank on the shoulder, "Why are you frowning? It's normal for modern people to have some mental illness, and it's not that it can't be cured. Don't make a fuss."
Frank didn't like him, and shook off his hands on his shoulders. There was no sign of joking on his face, and he asked Cheng Sheng seriously: "Does Zhang Chen know? You two aren't that one?"
As soon as Zhang Chen was mentioned, Cheng Sheng's joking tone just now disappeared completely, and his face became straight in an instant, and his voice was not as smooth as before, "Don't spoil me, maybe the doctor will come back for a re-examination on Friday." Tell me it's back to normal long ago, don't tell him now."
Cheng Sheng's current distracted state obviously cannot convince Frank, but he has no interest in getting involved in other people's emotional life, he hesitates to speak, and finally only chokes out a sentence: "Let me know when the review is over, we can discuss things together, the company It's not ours."
After dismissing the suspicious Frank away, Cheng Sheng stayed alone in the empty conference room for a while, without thinking about anything, just leaning against the table and closing his eyes to rest.But within a few minutes, the phone in his jeans pocket suddenly buzzed. Cheng Sheng guessed that it was Zhang Chen. They moved to a new building recently, and the two of them split the office on two floors. Sending text messages by myself, the content is mostly: You look at the computer.
He turned on his phone, and it was this text message again.
Cheng Sheng casually pulled out a chair from the side and sat down. As soon as he opened the notebook, the original desktop suddenly turned into a page of a certain arrangement software. The type is completely different, it is a brisk and melodious piece, and the melody line has obvious guitar characteristics.
Just after the beginning of this song was played, heavy snow suddenly fell outside. Cheng Sheng put the notebook on the table and went to the window to open the glass window wide. The cold wind rushed towards him instantly, but he didn't feel cold , and even propped up his arms to let his upper body lean out of the window, reaching out to catch the falling snowflakes from the sky.
Cheng Sheng was wearing a thick sweater, with his arms bent and stretched towards the sky. He closed his eyes in the snow, raised his head and listened carefully to the music coming from the computer behind him. There was not a single line in it, but Cheng Sheng understood it.
The phone in his trousers pocket buzzed again, and Cheng Sheng let his upper body lean out of the window to return to the warm room. He wiped the snow off his face, took out his phone, and Zhang Chen sent him another text message: Does it sound good?
The music behind him had all been played, and the computer screen had returned to the original desktop wallpaper. Cheng Sheng sat back in his chair and pressed a sentence on his phone: It sounds good, a little genius in arranger.
As soon as he finished posting, a picture suddenly popped up on the computer screen, it was snowing outside the window, and within a few seconds, a new message came from the phone: It's snowing, the picture I just took.
Looking at these messages, Cheng Sheng couldn't help but chuckled, couldn't stop, and sent another message to Zhang Chen: You are so wild, hacking into my computer directly, be honest, have you done illegal work before?
Soon the phone vibrated again, and the other person replied: I was a hacker when I was in college.
With a smile on his face, Cheng Sheng sent him another message: Then evaluate my level.
The other side quickly replied: Orthodox academic school, like a student who even had neat draft paper in his school days.
After a while, there were footsteps in the corridor. Zhang Chen pushed the door in with the rice balls and drinks he had just bought at the convenience store. He was wearing a thin windbreaker today. After entering the door, he waved the steaming rice ball to Cheng Sheng, "It's time for dinner."
Cheng Sheng jumped over to pick up the bag in his hand, put his face in front of this expressionless man, and teased him jokingly: "Miss me? You came so fast, and you brought me dinner."
Unexpectedly, just after he finished speaking, Zhang Chen unexpectedly kissed him on the lips quickly, waited for his head to move away a little, and then tapped the tip of his nose with his finger, then turned around and put the dinner he brought on the table. Nothing happened.
But Cheng Sheng came to his senses later, touched his lips uncomfortably, sat down slowly next to him, and muttered in a low voice: "You dare to do this in the conference room, you are so brave."
Zhang Chen broke off the chopsticks and handed them to him, patted his forehead, and said, "If someone checks the surveillance, everything we did in the meeting room in the tea room will be discovered, are you afraid?"
Cheng Sheng poked Zhang Chen with his chopsticks, and said calmly, "You are not afraid, what am I afraid of?"
Halfway through eating, the two of them moved to the nest, took the lunch box and moved to the window sill to enjoy the snow. The snow outside was getting bigger and bigger. After a while, no other colors could be seen on the trees on the ground. Unclearly, Zhang Chen said to the side: "We have known each other for ten years, and this is actually the first winter we have spent together."
Zhang Chen gave a "hmm" and said, "We still have one spring left, and it will be here soon."
Cheng Sheng ate his mouthful of meat floss, and just as he turned his head to reach the tissue box, Zhang Chen took a tissue to wipe him clean first.Zhang Chen looked at him from above and said, "You still want to be my elder brother?"
Cheng Sheng chuckled: "In the first place, you can't ignore your age and call your brother to listen."
Zhang Chen stood up, threw all the packaging on the table into the trash can, and when he turned around, he suddenly picked up Cheng Sheng and walked to the rooftop. Cheng Sheng was startled by his sudden movement, and almost called the whole company to watch him The two were flirting, but Zhang Chen immediately covered his mouth with a hand, and carried him to the snow-covered roof before putting him down. He looked up at the flying snow in the sky, and said, "Watch the snow with me for a while." , after the Lantern Festival, I will call you brother once."
Cheng Sheng turned to look at him, sneaked up from the side with one hand, pulled Zhang Chen's hand forcefully, pulled out his fingers and made a pact: "Liar is a puppy."
These childish words made Zhang Chen laugh again, he turned his head to look at Cheng Sheng in the heavy snow, helped him tighten Guan Feng's collar, and said, "I won't lie to you."
Cheng Sheng laughed softly, until he closed his eyes and silently made a wish to Daxue.Zhang Chen knew what he was doing just by looking at him sideways, without asking any questions, he said directly: "All your wishes will come true."
Finally on Friday, Cheng Sheng slipped out of the company without telling Zhang Chen, wrapped himself in a down jacket and quietly rushed to the hospital. On the way, he couldn't help humming the song Zhang Chen wrote to him two days ago, praying in his heart that the review would go well.
There weren't many people in the hospital, and Cheng Sheng was called in not long after the registration.The doctor who was waiting for him was a woman with a gentle voice and appearance. Just one glance made people feel very safe. After entering the door, the doctor first asked him some basic information, and handed him some scales in the middle of the conversation.
Cheng Sheng filled it out very quickly, finished a few scales, and then followed the doctor's instructions to another place for an instrument check.When he came back, someone was crying in the consulting room, probably the next patient after he left.Cheng Sheng stood in front of the closed door of the consulting room for a while, listening carefully to the voices inside.Those intermittent crying came from a young girl, she was crying very depressed, her voice was very low, Cheng Sheng could even imagine how she tightened her throat to suppress these out of control voices.
Cheng Sheng heard her say that she still didn't produce anything in the third year of her Ph. It opened suddenly, and a girl half-covering her face came out, her exposed eyelids were red and swollen. She didn't look up at Cheng Sheng, and walked straight around him to the stairs.
When she went in again, Cheng sounded a little nervous. The doctor on the opposite side looked carefully at the stack of test results he had just finished, but her expression was much more serious than before. Her brows were always furrowed, and her eyes stuck to the data were narrowed into slits. .
Cheng Sheng looked at the eyebrows that were almost twisted into a whirlpool, and his heart was half cold, knowing that his situation was serious.
The doctor put down the results of the examination and began to ask him about his medical history and the medicines he had taken before. Cheng Sheng felt that she was a good doctor, because a person like himself who hated hospitals did not reject any of her words, and even felt that her voice was gentle. reliable.
When talking about medicine, Cheng Sheng suddenly found that he couldn't remember those complicated names, and wanted to reach out his hand from his backpack to show the doctor the medicine he had been taking all along, but his hand couldn't help shaking all the time, and he couldn't hold it He was a little anxious about his own bag, and his movements seemed extremely weird because of his anxiety.
The doctor on the opposite side waited quietly for him, and said softly, "Take your time, don't rush."
Cheng Sheng poured all the medicines on the table, and the plastic bottles jingled. The doctor took a look at the English-packed medicines and put them back on the table. With a pen in his hand, he began to sort out his symptoms: "You I have a ten-year medical history, five-year medication history, and I didn’t know my own condition in the first five years, right?”
Cheng Sheng nodded.
The doctor sighed and said, "You are currently in a period of severe depression and you need to change your medicine."
Cheng Sheng's head drooped in an instant, and the two hands covering his knees kept rubbing. He suddenly thought of something, raised it abruptly, and asked vaguely: "If I don't tell my partner, can he see that I am something wrong?"
"Better tell your partner the truth, it's better for both of you," the doctor said.
Cheng Sheng swallowed continuously, but his throat was still dry, and he said with difficulty: "I can't tell him, because I know he will definitely accompany me. He is such a person, he never speaks nicely, but he must Will give me all that can be given to me, and it will make me suffer more."
Most patients don’t want to tell their partners that there is an excuse, but Cheng Sheng’s reasons seem strange. The doctor looked up at him and found that he was frowning, his cheek muscles were tense, as if he was constantly struggling with some emotion, and his pen was down. Go back to the table and ask tentatively: "If you want, can you tell me why? We can talk about some emotional life, which will help you understand yourself and your partner."
Cheng Sheng looked into her eyes, which were trustworthy eyes, and he realized that his desire to confide was so strong. He nodded at the doctor as if he was rescued, and talked about his emotional life without waiting for the other side's reaction: "I'm gay. I didn't know it myself until I met my current partner."
At the end of this sentence, he saw the obviously fluctuating eyes of the doctor opposite, lowered his head and smiled, "I'm still a sinner."
The doctor didn't interrupt Cheng Sheng, but just looked at him seriously. His hand on his knee was clutching the other hand, as if he was very nervous, and his words trembled a little, but the doctor could see that he had tried his best. , put it out word by word, the pronunciation is very accurate, as if this conversation is regarded as a life-saving straw.
"We have known each other for ten years. When we met him for the first time, he was just an ordinary high school student in a small city. Their place was heavily polluted, with factory buildings everywhere, and the sky was gray without even a cloud. It was a far cry from the capital. The people there either went into the factory or into the coal mine. Everyone was ashamed, and only a few people had the ability to go out to study. He was a very, very small group of people who cleaned up and smelled of soap on their clothes. I I am very curious about him, because I was rebellious and arrogant at that time, and that kind of rebellion was like dessert after a meal, greasy and empty. Whenever I met a real person like him, I would show timidity and collapse. I I still remember that he always wore a loose T-shirt at that time, and he either rode a motorcycle to fix things for other people, or stood on the side of the road and smoked. He never took the initiative to talk to me, but his eyes always glanced at me vaguely, He is like the heroine of the literary films I have seen. He is taciturn and always has a lot of thoughts. I have never met love before, and I don’t know what it’s like to hug and kiss girls. I guess most girls are gentle, but he doesn’t Same, he is taller than me, he can dominate me, and he is good at sex, I can smell the faint smell of smoke and soap from his cuffs when I sit in his arms, and then we kiss, he presses me on the bed, from top to bottom Look at me, my eyes are all about him. When I met him, I went crazy, I wish I could burn it vigorously, burn it into ashes and disappear from this world."
When talking about Zhang Chen, Cheng Sheng couldn't control his expression. He smiled softly, and the doctor who had been watching him from the opposite side also laughed.Cheng Sheng also talked about the ugliness between them and the wrong things he had done. His arms trembled slightly, his throat was dry, and the words he spit out seemed to be covered with sand and dust. He said: "I Love him so much, but my love is all wrong and sin to him, I have been hurting him and his family, half of his mother's death is my responsibility, his insult later in life is all my responsibility He didn't blame me, he said he forgot, but I can't forget, he said forgive me, but I can't forgive myself, I hurt him, but I can't heal the wounds left by these injuries, I can only hurt myself more. Do The wrong things you have done will never disappear because of forgiveness, will they not?" Cheng Sheng paused, forced out a nondescript smile, and asked the doctor opposite: "Do you understand?"
The doctor nodded, and when he spoke again, he still advised Cheng Sheng: "You should try to communicate with your partner. Without his participation, you may never be able to truly solve the problem."
Cheng Sheng still lowered his head, curled his fingers, and kept rubbing back and forth on his legs. He didn't respond to the doctor's advice, but waited for the excitement to subside before quickly switching to another topic: "Changing the medicine won't affect your health." Let's work?"
The doctor on the opposite side had a full view of his little movements, and didn't force him to face what he said just now, but just paused, then she picked up Cheng Sheng's case, and continued to talk about his treatment plan: "It's best to consider taking a break for a while, and wait until the situation improves. Keep looking for work."
"No." Cheng Sheng said, "I have a company, and the partners are not Chinese. All the procedures for company registration fall on me, and we are currently on the rise. There are countless things waiting for me to deal with every day. I have nothing to do with it. Way to go away."
The doctor also said: "Obvious side effects may occur after changing the medicine, such as drowsiness, nausea, difficulty in concentrating, etc. It is very difficult to barely carry out work in this state. I suggest you discuss it with your partner and come up with a compromise. solutions in the
Just as Cheng Sheng was about to say something, the doctor continued, "In your current condition, you'd better be hospitalized for a period of time, it's safer and safer."
It was getting dark when he came out of the hospital, and Cheng Sheng didn't go home. He walked into a coffee shop with his diagnosis report, and ordered a glass of iced Americano at the front desk, adding two strengths.
There was a dashing girl at the front desk, she secretly looked up at him when she heard that this person not only ordered American style at night, but also added strength to it.Cheng Sheng didn't notice, took the coffee and turned around to find a seat by the window to sit down. The snow was still falling outside the window, very small, and it melted into water as soon as it hit the ground. Cheng Sheng put his face on the glass window to watch the snow, his The tip of his nose was deformed by the glass, and he hummed softly the song that Zhang Chen gave him the day he hacked into his computer.
On the table in the coffee shop is a medical certificate, the first line under the hospital header is the date: December 2007, 12, and the second line is the clinical diagnosis: bipolar disorder, currently major depression with non-psychotic symptoms attack.
It wasn't until it was completely dark that Cheng Sheng turned his eyes from the snow outside the window back to the coffee shop, took out his mobile phone and sent Zhang Chen a text message: There are some problems with the company, you should resign early.