sunk into the earth

Chapter 48 Chapter Home 1

The carriage is not chaotic, but it is noisy, full of chatter, and some people play music.Zhang Chen sat by the window, wearing earphones, and isolated himself from everyone else. He fiddled with a camera in his hand, flipped through it, and from time to time took a few pictures of the passing scene by the window.

Sitting opposite was an old man and a woman, and the woman was holding a seven or eight-year-old child in her arms.The old man's voice was as rough as sand, and he could tell it was soaked in smoke for a long time. He leaned back in his chair and was telling the story of the past to the woman and child.Cheng Sheng heard some chatter on the opposite side. The uncle said that his son is a son of a bitch with a white eye. He dropped out of school to start a business just after finishing junior high school. Lao Tzu doesn’t even give him pension money every month. He goes back and forth from his hometown to Beijing to ask for some money, but before he even enters the house, his daughter-in-law calls the security guards and kicks him out.

The woman listened absent-mindedly, so the old man had no choice but to sullenly change the topic to the child in her arms, squinting his eyes and said to the child: "Study hard, and don't learn nonsense." Zhang Chen, who was wearing the earphones, said to the child again: "Look at the big brother across from you, what kind of messy thing was punched on the nose, he must have been terrible at school, normal people can't do that."

After hearing this, Cheng Sheng glanced at the opposite side, and happened to meet the old man's eyes, and the old man stopped talking.

He turned his head to look at Zhang Chen again. At this moment, Zhang Chen was leaning against the window to take pictures. Half of his face was enveloped by the warm sunlight outside the glass window. His eyelashes and the tip of his nose were all in the sunlight, making it hard to see clearly. Cheng Sheng felt that he was taking pictures His appearance is too serious, too serious, as if he loves life so much.

After a while, Cheng Sheng patted Zhang Chen who was fiddling with the camera next to him, leaned into his ear and asked, "Can you play with your camera for me?"

Zhang Chen turned his head, took off the earphones, and suddenly returned to the noisy real world, his expression fell, and he asked the person next to him again: "What did you say?"

Cheng Sheng repeated: "I want to play with your camera."

Zhang Chen didn't say anything, and handed it to Cheng Sheng next to him, then put on the earphones again, and leaned against the window, looking unwilling to communicate with others.

Haiyan, who was sitting next to Cheng Sheng, heard them talking, patted Cheng Sheng comfortingly, and said, "He does this every time he goes home, not against you, and I dare not provoke him these two days."

Cheng Sheng said, "I know, I know, it's okay."

Haiyan breathed a sigh of relief, leaned on his shoulder, and sighed: "What do you think Zhang Chen looks like? I can understand that their band Qiyuan likes him. He was very nice to people he didn't know well at first, and he fell in love with him." I can understand that fans like him, but there are people in this world who like his messy music, but you and I don’t understand.” She straightened her collar, and then said: “You know him better than I do. Is it too early? When I first met him, he couldn't live anymore. Does anyone really like that?"

Cheng Sheng said, "We used to only stay together for two months, a summer vacation."

Haiyan snorted: "Boss Cheng, you have to learn from me. Although I am old, I haven't sealed my heart yet."

Cheng Sheng asked again: "How old are you, so you can tell your age?"

"Thirty, older than you."

This time, Cheng Sheng turned his head to look at her, and found that she didn't look like a 30-year-old woman at all. She had an innocent look on her face. Looking at Cheng Sheng, she felt that she was completely inferior, and opened her mouth and said, "I'm younger than you." Two years old, but you look younger than me."

Hearing this, Haiyan laughed immediately: "Because I live a comfortable life without worries. I don't get married or have children. Zhang Chen always takes me out to play when I have nothing to do. He said that I am very similar to his mother when he was young, so he treats me very well. Well, I don’t have to worry about anything except work every day.”

Cheng Sheng looked at her face and suddenly saw something familiar. He also smiled and changed his address: "Sister, thank you for the time."

Hearing Cheng Sheng calling her sister, Haiyan got up from his shoulder and slapped his leg, "Don't call me sister, you sound so old."

Cheng Sheng didn't say anything, just lowered his head and concentrated on tinkering with the camera he just got from Zhang Chen.

The carriage was still noisy, and the old man on the opposite side kept expressing his insights. Next to him, Haiyan leaned against him, muttering to himself: "I want to go back but I don't want to go back. People are so complicated. Cheng Sheng sat upright, holding a table in his arms." For the camera, he first clicked on the photo album and looked around, and found thousands of photos in it, full of scenes from all over the country, the sunset on the Gobi beach and the starry sky, and many portraits, most of them were members of Zhang Shen’s band, Qi Yuan was holding Zhang Chen’s guitar Standing on the roof of the off-road vehicle, there is a large red sky at sunset behind; several people are doing street performances in the old city of Yunnan, and Qiyuan smiles at the camera with a big drum; in the rehearsal room full of speakers, wires and musical instruments, Lao Liu stands Next to the wall, on the group photo of the three of them hanging on the wall, it was written: Gongti held a concert, but the words in the next photo were erased, and Zhang Shen's skeletal hand appeared on the photo , write next to that line: make ten albums first, and the words for the next one have changed again, and only one word is added: make ten good albums first.

He continued to scroll down, and there were more blurred scenes, traffic lights in the city, out-of-focus figures, construction sites after blasting, children learning the piano with their parents at the door of the musical instrument store, newly built department stores and A huge billboard inlaid outside the wall covering.

Cheng Sheng went through the thousands of photos one by one, and found that there was not a single photo of Shen himself.

He exited the album, switched to the camera mode, adjusted the parameters skillfully, stared at the viewfinder frame divided into several grids, and went back and forth to find his target.

Next to Zhang Chen was leaning against the window to look at the scenery, leaving only half of Cheng Sheng's face, that half of his face was soaked in the sun, only the line of Cheng Sheng's mandible could be seen clearly, this figure soon appeared in the viewfinder frame , unsteadily swinging among several white lines in the viewfinder frame.

The noisy carriage stopped making noise, and Cheng Sheng couldn't hear the outside sound, just staring at the viewfinder frame, adjusting the composition little by little.

Suddenly, the child sitting opposite made some movement, shook her mother's arm with both hands, and shouted: "The brother on the other side has been staring at that brother, and even patted him." It seems that they deliberately want them to hear it and pass it to her to play with. "I want to play with the camera too, but I am too embarrassed to ask them."

Immediately after looking at the scenery, Zhang Chen turned his head back. The original half of his face soaked in the sun returned to the cluttered compartment. It didn't have the unhappy expression of many years ago, but he felt unaccustomed to suddenly returning to the real world. He stared at Cheng Sheng who was holding the camera opposite him, and looked at Cheng Sheng with the kind of confused eyes that belonged to him and were not adapted to modern society.

In the viewfinder, Cheng Sheng saw Zhang Chen with his back to the light, his eyes fixed on him, his hands shaking uncontrollably, and he pressed a series of shutters one after another.

****

Yuncheng Railway Station has been refurbished a long time ago. The air-conditioning in the hall is full of cold air, a whole row of ticket windows has been added, and the exit gate is large and bright. There is no smell of human flesh mixed with dust and sweat coming and going.

Cheng Sheng came out of the station together with them. The gray buildings on the opposite side of the train station disappeared and replaced with a chain hotel with a height of more than ten floors. Going further, the road was doubled, and the roadside was crowded with red letters. Small shops with glass doors were leveled and turned into green belts covered with lush green grass and trees.

Cheng Sheng said as he walked, "It's changed so much, I can't recognize it anymore."

Haiyan next to him held his arm. She liked Cheng Sheng for no reason, and always wanted to stick with this person. Every time Cheng Sheng spoke, she would immediately pick up his words, with a very smug expression on her face, "I'll just say it, you're sure can not recognize."

Zhang Chen took a taxi and reported the name of the hotel he was familiar with. The three of them staggered in the back seat and followed the car for almost 10 minutes before arriving at the hotel Zhang Chen had booked.

In the past, there were not many high-end hotels in Yuncheng, and the streets were full of dilapidated small hotels next to the train station and bus station, but in the past two years, some local boss with a cramp insisted on building a high-end hotel here, and there were several more in the city center. A hotel tower soaring into the sky.

Cheng Sheng followed them to the hotel. As soon as he got to the front desk, he heard the voice of the front desk talking to Zhang Chen: "Sir, you have booked a double bed room and a twin bed room..."

They took the elevator together to the eleventh floor. Haiyan walked away with a room card in one hand and a cane in the other. Cheng Sheng followed behind Zhang Chen. human bed.

Not to mention disappointed, after much deliberation, Cheng Sheng didn't think that Zhang Chen would book a room with a big bed for the two of them, only he could do it rashly.

While Cheng Sheng was leaning against the door and looking at the two single beds in a daze, Zhang Chen had already packed the things he brought when he came, and when he turned around, Cheng Sheng was still standing there, and urged him, "Aren't you going to pack your things?" ?”

Cheng Sheng just came in, but he packed things slowly, Zhang Chen just leaned on the hotel chair to watch his slow figure, and naturally talked about their arrangements for the past two days, "I'll go to see my dad in the afternoon, after Go to the funeral home in the suburbs to get the ordered paper purse, and go to the cemetery to see my mother, Mingming, and Haiyan’s parents at night. I don’t have anything to do tomorrow morning. I’ll take you around the city, and we’ll go back to Beijing in the afternoon.”

Cheng Sheng stopped his movements, and suddenly said, "I want to see Uncle too."

But Zhang Chen refused: "My dad's mental state is not very good, so don't go."

Cheng Sheng seemed very stubborn about this matter, no matter what reason Zhang Chen used to beat him, he would stubbornly repeat: "Let me go and see, I feel bad if I don't see your family."

In the end, Zhang Chen didn't bother him. After arranging the things he had brought, he picked up the bag on the table, took the elevator downstairs with Cheng Sheng, and went to a nursing home in the west of the city.

When they entered the door, Zhang Licheng was leaning on his wheelchair to bask in the sun. He didn't turn his head when he heard the sound of the door outside, and asked directly behind him, "Zhang Chen?"

"Come and see you."

After hearing the familiar reply later, he asked again: "Have you paid the fee? Go and pay the fee for the whole year first, I am afraid every day that you will leave me here and leave me alone."

The rustling footsteps behind were the voices of two people. Zhang Licheng was a little confused by the footsteps, and turned his head to look in confusion, only to find a familiar figure standing beside Zhang Chen.

It would be a bit reluctant to say that he was familiar, but Cheng Sheng was really hard for him to forget. He stared and looked back and forth at the man who had suddenly appeared. He looked at Cheng Sheng, as if he couldn't believe it.

Zhang Chen took Cheng Sheng behind him, and introduced to Zhang Licheng calmly: "The boss of my current company said he wanted to visit you."

Zhang Licheng's finger hadn't come down yet, but the surprise in his eyes suddenly subsided a lot, he finally laughed out, his chest shaking like a rattling old machine.

The hand turned to Zhang Chen again, urging him: "Go and pay the fee, go and pay the fee, your father and I are always scared every day."

Zhang Chen appeased Cheng Sheng's hand, turned his head and said, "You can go with me."

But just after he finished speaking, Zhang Licheng spoke again: "I want to chat with your leader."

Zhang Chen refused: "He doesn't want to chat with you, he just came to see you."

As soon as he finished speaking, Cheng Sheng beside him patted his arm and whispered, "It's okay, you go, I also want to talk to your dad."

Zhang Chen frowned, and wanted to stop him again, but he heard Cheng Shengna repeat in that stubborn tone at noon: "It's okay, what can I do with my age? Go quickly."

Zhang Chen looked at him worriedly, then at Zhang Licheng who was basking in the sun quietly on the balcony, and finally told Cheng Sheng: "Call me if you have anything to do."

The person next to him said "OK", and then urged him: "Go quickly, go quickly."

After Zhang Chen was sent to pay the fee, Cheng Sheng moved a chair from the bed and sat down on the balcony, feeling uneasy, but still politely said, "Hello, Uncle."

It was very quiet on the balcony, and the people next to him didn't answer him.

The air was still for a few seconds, Cheng Sheng bit the bullet and continued: "Do you remember me?"

This time Zhang Licheng let out a "hmm", and then turned his head to observe Cheng Sheng, staring at him with bone-like eyes, sweeping back and forth from head to toe.

Cheng Sheng was terrified by this stare, and just about to say something, the man in the wheelchair said slowly: "I watched TV with my patient two days ago, and when I changed the channel, I heard a very familiar name. Take a look, isn't your dad in the news?"

Cheng Sheng didn't speak, his hands were rubbing sparks on his knees.

Hearing that the people next to him didn't respond, Zhang Licheng said again: "You and my son are the one, right?"

This time Cheng Sheng lowered his head and didn't speak again.

"Do you want to ask me how I know?"

Zhang Licheng squinted his eyes, his entire face was flushed by the sun, and there was no trace of Zhang Chen on his face. If he didn't say anything, no one would think that this was Zhang Chen's father.He just basked in the sun comfortably, and without waiting for Cheng Sheng to answer, he continued on his own: "We all know that Zhang Chen's classmates, teachers, neighbors, and the whole Yuncheng know that he is a gay man who likes men. Your earth-shattering behavior back then After all this trouble, his reputation in this place has been completely ruined. At that time, even the patient in the next bed secretly talked behind my back, saying that Zhang Chen, like his mother, likes to hook up with men."

Zhang Licheng also asked: "Are you sent by God to deliberately torment my family? Once you come, our family will be ruined. Why are you here again?"

Cheng Sheng finally spoke out this time, but it was only a few hoarse syllables. He lowered his head and said, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I liked him so much at that time."

Zhang Licheng shook his head, and said again: "Do you think we need your apology?" He continued: "My son is good-looking, he doesn't care about these things, so many people hate him, he doesn't care at all. From elementary school to high school every time Both took the No.1 exam, which is much better than me and his mother. We can’t even speak a word of English. The work Zhang Chen did later was coded in English. Do you know? Zhang Chen was called crazy by the teacher since he was a child. Autism, when he was a child, other children didn’t like him, slandered him for stealing money, said he scolded the teacher, tore up his homework and threw it in the snow, and wrote dirty words on the back of his school uniform. Zhang Chen took it with him when his mother was still there. He went to the school to quarrel with the school leaders, saying that it is impossible for our son to do such a thing, but Zhang Chen is a child who will hand over a dollar to the teacher when he picks up a dollar at school, and obediently writes in his diary what the teacher taught today. All the grandparents in the yard like him. But after your scene, he was said to be homosexual and AIDS, and now even the grandparents in the yard avoid him.”

Cheng Sheng swallowed, touched his knee back and forth, and repeated in his mouth: "I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

But Zhang Licheng turned a deaf ear to it, he just didn't say these things to anyone for too long, he doesn't need others to respond, he just needs to continue to excrete.

He was still talking about how Zhang Chen was taken by other children to explore the mountains when he was a child, and was thrown on the mountain to freeze all night in a snowy day. Li Xiaoyun brought him back from the mountain the next day, and cried while holding the frozen child. He also said that in the first few years when he was hospitalized, he could always see Zhang Chen’s hands bleeding. When Zhang Licheng asked him, the answer he got was that sometimes it was frozen and cracked, sometimes it was accidentally scratched when he was washing dishes in a restaurant, and sometimes he was practicing piano. too long.Zhang Licheng was disdainful of the answer of practicing piano. At that time, he would ask: "Zhang Chen, what kind of piano do you practice? Guitar? Piano? Are you still learning piano? How can anyone start learning piano when they are almost 20 years old? You want to integrate into the upper class Waiting for the society to work so hard? Are you jealous by your old friend? But what kind of family is that family and what kind of family are you? Why don’t you have any self-knowledge?”

Zhang Licheng thought of another thing, raised his head to bask in the sun, and said leisurely: "But just like this, many girls like Zhang Chen, because he makes some bad music and inherited his mother's face, you cultural people don't know When I’m hungry, I’ll do some crazy things. I’m really sick of my brain. One even came here to find me, saying that she had been on the train for more than ten hours for love. I looked at her and thought, such a beautiful girl How could he like Zhang Chen? So I said to her, girl, do you think my son is someone who can fall in love with people? I’m afraid he doesn’t even like humans anymore.”

The arm of Cheng Sheng beside him began to tremble, begging: "Stop talking, please, stop talking."

Zhang Licheng turned his head and looked at Cheng Sheng with those eyes that rolled up and down, and asked: "Then you and my son, who did it and who was it? Or is it a trade?" He pondered, seeing Cheng Sheng thin For a long time, it seemed that he suddenly realized: "You are so thin, and you are not as tall as Zhang Chen, you must be fucked."

He looked at Cheng Sheng's face again, thinking of his family, he seemed to have won the game in some respects, nodded his head and said with emotion: "It's not bad for Zhang Chen to be gay and get someone like you. My son is so strong, what? You want the best, even if you want to be a man, you have to be the best man."

Cheng Sheng stood up abruptly, wanting to go out, but then there was a weak knock from the outside door, and Zhang Chen came in with a payment slip. The footsteps were very soft and gentle. Licheng's words are connected with Zhang Chen.

The room fell silent for a moment, Zhang Licheng leaned on the back of the wheelchair, closed his eyes and pursed his mouth, basking in the sun leisurely.

Zhang Chen looked at Cheng Sheng who couldn't stop shaking, walked over and patted him on the shoulder, and asked softly, "What's wrong with you?"

"fine."

Zhang Chen knew there was something to do, but he didn't ask any unnecessary words. In the end, he just patted him on the shoulder and spoke softly, "I told you not to come, you insisted."