make you angry, a little happy

Chapter 39

Su Xiaoyuan couldn't shake off his hand. "Speak well, let me go first. What if there is someone inside... we two..."

"So what if someone sees it, classmates can't hold hands and chat?" Zhang Zhao can figure out what's bothering him, because the person he likes is the same gender as himself, "You...you really don't like me?"

Su Xiaoyuan stopped talking, in fact, even if he said he didn't like it, Zhang Zhao would definitely not believe it.They are not stupid. Although they have never been in love, no one can recognize the greasy energy of thinking about each other on weekdays.

"I...I don't like you very much." Su Xiaoyuan lied to him cruelly, "Maybe you misunderstood what you did before."

"You don't like me too much?" Zhang Zhao didn't believe it. Afraid of hurting his little hand, he shook his wrist instead, "You don't like me too much, you recruit me?"

"Why did I recruit you?" Su Xiaoyuan knew that he was doomed, so he could shake off his hand, but he couldn't avoid the person who only liked him.

He is a long-distance runner, he is a little cripple, but he didn't care about this at the beginning of love, and came here on a rampage.Whether it is a boy who runs 5000 meters in 16 minutes, or a boy who can't even hold on to 50 meters, no matter how fast or slow, sooner or later he will be caught up by love.

Zhang Zhao laughed angrily, mocking himself: "Su Xiaoyuan, I'm not a fucking idiot. You say you dare not admit it, but I believe it. You say you're not tempted, I really don't believe it."

Su Xiaoyuan drooped his head, and when he gritted his teeth, his voice trembled: "I...I'm really not tempted, let's just be ordinary classmates."

"You are not tempted? You are not tempted to bring me prawn crisps?" Zhang Zhao said eagerly, as if to prove that the excitement of the sports meeting is not over yet, "You brought me so many prawn crisps and bought me Red Bull, Lend me to copy my homework, help me cheat on exams. You help me pack my bag, tidy up the table, hug my waist on a bicycle, and let me pick you up and send you off. Accompany me to buy running shoes, and we watch the little train together, afraid that Zhu Jie will snatch you The limelight feels wronged for me...you tell me now that you don't like me very much?"

"I do this to everyone!" Su Xiaoyuan was afraid that there would be someone else in the bathroom, "Stop talking, let others hear, and your life will be over!"

"I'm finished? What's wrong with me? I'm finished in this life?" Zhang Zhao couldn't count the troubles between them, wishing to take root, "You are afraid that I will die in the 5000-meter run, so cross the runway to cheer for me, you Write me a love letter..."

Su Xiaoyuan turned his face away: "That's not a love letter, I wrote it to all athletes who run 5000 meters..."

"Shit, you just lie to others, you lie to me, there's no way!" Zhang Zhao pulled the man to his chest, insisting on hugging him, "Did you put the peanuts on the front of my sports bag?"

"you……"

"You just say yes, don't be silly." Zhang Zhao didn't intend to let go, and held his face indiscriminately, "You recruit me, and then say you don't like me, it's so fun to lie to me?"

"I didn't lie to you." Su Xiaoyuan was sweating a lot, her bangs were sticking to her forehead.Caring is messy, he said the wrong thing, it should be said that I don't like you at all.But Zhang Zhao just jumped up so stupidly that he was frightened.

"We...not right."

Zhang Zhao leaned towards him, and the restlessness in his heart turned into discomfort.Su Xiaoyuan did not dare to admit that he was not afraid, but he was afraid to bring up this reason. "I like someone...what's wrong?"

Su Xiaoyuan knew what he was capable of, and he couldn't do anything cruel, let alone hurt Zhang Zhao. "You are a man, and I am also a man. We... are wrong. Do you understand that it's okay to be ordinary classmates, but it's not right to be...to do that."

"What's wrong?" Zhang Zhao was timid for a moment, but wanted to try again, "I'm not afraid."

"But we are wrong." Su Xiaoyuan's thin shoulders hid Zhang Zhao's chest, "This is not normal, do you understand? We... are not normal."

Zhang Zhao was slapped in the face by love, and his heart ached so much that he couldn't feel anything. "It's not normal to like someone."

Su Xiaoyuan continued to shrink back. He knew that he had no way out since he fell in love with Ji Chongyang, but he didn't want Zhang Zhao to become a person like himself who only likes men. "It's not normal... Boys should be with girls. It's right to start a family, get married and have children after college. I'm... I hired you. I was wrong. I won't talk to you in the future, okay, we two still……"

"But I like you." Zhang Zhao blocked all his back roads with just this sentence, "In terms of pure love, this is the first time I really like someone. Changzi said that he always thinks about his daughter Friend, I found out that I am also thinking about you when I have free time."

"What...why do you think about me?" Su Xiaoyuan hated himself for being bad and cowardly, and it was enough to let him suffer long-term rather than short-term pain, but he was reluctant, "It's scary to say it."

"I'm thinking about what you're doing, who you're talking to, and whether you've eaten." Zhang Zhao really liked him, and wanted to hug him hard, but he was afraid that he would say something was wrong.The eyes were not all pleading, but also a little ignorant, why the two of them couldn't do it.

"I dismantled a lot of furniture at home, installed it and then dismantled it, and it was fixed after I dismantled it. I'm so fucking annoying, I can't stand it, I really..." Zhang Zhao hated himself for not being good at Chinese, and the words stuck in his throat. When I said it, I became a foolish nonsense, "I'm afraid that you think I smell sweaty, that you will be bullied by your brother, and that your rhinitis will recur... Sigh, I don't know how to tell you, just every day... ...Still thinking about it, looking forward to the dawn when it is dark, looking forward to going to the classroom after running to ask you to copy your homework."

Su Xiaoyuan's eyes blinked quickly. If you look carefully, you can see that the lower eyelashes are wet.

"I know I'm wrong, I'm bullying you, but I can't stand others bullying you." Zhang Zhao's almost savage confession came very violently, "I'm fucking... hopeless, I'm sick, right? I can't even watch pornography, and I can't even lick my skin, so I have to miss you. I don't want to... I'm fucking hopeless, why do I like you?"

"You shouldn't like me, we are wrong." Su Xiaoyuan was hugged helplessly, wanted to leave, but didn't want to, feeling like a scumbag.

Zhang Zhao changed from high-spirited to downcast. A boy of this age really can't take the slightest emotional blow. "I understand, I'm gay..."

"You're talking nonsense!" Su Xiaoyuan was afraid that he would admit it, "You're not, what if you can change it. There are so many good girls who are better than me. Zhang Zhao, you really don't understand, as long as you take this path, It's over!"

"Why is it over?" Zhang Zhao frowned impatiently.

Su Xiaoyuan had a crush on others before, and always thought he knew more about this than Zhang Zhao.But when he really got the feeling, he realized that there was nothing he could do, except look embarrassed. "You're doomed, no one thinks highly of you. This road won't work, there's no way to save it, why don't you do this?"

"But I really like you, I can't pretend." Zhang Zhao stared at him cautiously.Maybe it was Su Xiaoyuan who refused to shake his hand, maybe Su Xiaoyuan was willing to let him hug him, but Zhang Zhao didn't let go no matter what.

Just like competitive sports, he rushed to the track and gave it his all, because there were only two rankings. No.1 and other than No.1.

"You...you can't tell others, and you can't let outsiders see it. The two of you can only get along secretly." Su Xiaoyuan said anxiously, "This road will go dark, and you have no way out!"

Zhang Zhao hugged him fiercely, blocking his escape. "Can't I be with you? Just treat me as a fire and light it up for you. A single spark can start a prairie fire. I'm not afraid of going all the way to the dark. I'm really not afraid... I don't care! You recruit me , It was you who teased me first, and I will be a fire in the future, and I will set you on fire, can't you do it? Okay?"

Su Xiaoyuan's Adam's apple is sliding up and down, he is not a girl, he has everything a boy should have, except a pair of legs that can run. "Don't be so impulsive, like a child... really can't, we are wrong."

Zhang Zhao still refused to let go, just held it like this, with neither light nor heavy strength, he didn't know whether to compete with Su Xiaoyuan or himself.

"You really don't like me?" Zhang Zhao was at a loss, he confessed mercilessly, insisting on forcing others to act like him.

"Don't be like this." Su Xiaoyuan couldn't say it, but kept pulling at his arm.

"Can't we really do it?" Zhang Zhao posted forward, "Give me a chance, okay?"

Su Xiaoyuan was confused by him, and resisted in a low voice: "Why are you... such a child, in the future you are destined to meet someone who is better than me in college... girl, don't be like me. Others will say you , laugh at you, look down on you!"

"Then... okay, I won't force you to be nice to me." Zhang Zhao finally let go of his hand, like a child who has been robbed of his treasure, "I... I was anxious and confused just now, don't be afraid, I specify not to force you, don't be afraid of me... you can keep the medal, it's the first time to give something to someone you like, I'm so happy, for you... it's worth running to death."

Su Xiaoyuan bit his tongue, afraid that if he didn't bite it, he would say something.In the future, Zhang Zhao will meet better, perfect people who can run wildly with him.

"Can I still take you home?" Zhang Zhao didn't dare to say a word.It happened that someone came in to wash their hands, Su Xiaoyuan quickly stepped aside and nodded.

At the door of the house, Su Xiaoyuan dropped a sentence and entered the cave, completely forgetting that tomorrow is Saturday, and he will rest after the midterm exam.

When I got home, my mother hadn't come back yet, so it must be the night shift again.Xiaoyun was not in the living room, and there were bursts of male voices reading English reading comprehension from the bedroom, which seemed to be doing listening.

After a day of excitement, tension, excitement and grief, what was left for Su Xiaoyuan was only an empty, out-of-focus pain.He didn't want to pretend to be balanced anymore, he let go of walking, limped and limped, walked into the bathroom with his right foot out of the way, and then took off his pants.

The school pants were taken off, revealing two clean white legs.The left leg is obviously thicker, and so is the ankle. The calf muscle of the right leg has obviously shrunk, and it is ridiculously thin. The depression in the ankle is like a duck with a broken leg.

Going up is the gluteus major, and the right buttock is more deflated than the left, like an underinflated basketball, which cannot be played no matter what.

These are my own legs, real legs.Su Xiaoyuan looked at himself in the mirror, Xiaoyun was right, he was a cripple, no matter how he pretended, people would know sooner or later.

Pretending to be balanced is very tiring, whether it is psychologically or physically, Su Xiaoyuan touched the root of his right thigh, pinched it with all his strength, and pinched it hard, leaving a red mark.

It all depends on it!Until the pain became numb, he sat down on the ground, recalling how he gritted his teeth and walked on the orthodontic appliance when he couldn't stand up.

It's really strange, so many people have intramuscular injections every day, why is it me?Su Xiaoyuan hadn't thought about this big problem since he was a child, but his cowardice didn't allow him to think about it. Instead, he put on his pants and stood up again and again with dignity as if nothing had happened.

Get over it and you'll be fine, Su Xiaoyuan said to himself when he was a child.He also advised himself the same today.But he really... really likes Zhang Zhao.

On Saturday and Sunday, Su Xiaoyuan was guarding his phone, but he didn't receive a single WeChat message from Zhang Zhao.

Did he give up?When Su Xiaoyuan was writing papers, his mind was always distracted.But after being distracted, he felt that he was right to give up.

On Monday morning, Su Yun packed his schoolbag and was about to go downstairs, when he suddenly found a golden decoration hanging on the most conspicuous place beside the bed. "I rely on... what is this, a medal?"

"Don't move!" Su Xiaoyuan blew his red nose, relying on it to accompany him to sleep for two nights.

"There's nothing immovable here, isn't it just a piece of scrap iron?" Su Yun picked it up and looked at it carelessly, "Yo, and the third-year boy of the 35th sports meeting of He District No. [-] Middle School..."

"I told you not to move." It was the first time Su Xiaoyuan took something from his younger brother's hand. He used to give it out because of a debt, "Mine."

"Your?" Su Yun stared at him.

Su Xiaoyuan held it, like being held by the wrist that day. "Yes, it's mine."

"5000 meters, you can't walk that far, right?" Su Yun said with a smile, "Last time you said that the squad leader who can run 5000 meters can lend you a few days to play with, and return it quickly."

Go back?Su Xiaoyuan got out of the elevator in disbelief, and the medal was in his trouser pocket.Want to return it?It stands to reason that it should be returned.Zhang Zhao said that he only gave it to himself if he liked him. He gave up, and it would be unreasonable for him to dominate the medal.

Su Xiaoyuan didn't sleep well for two consecutive nights, and Su Xiaoyuan's eyes were sore.He walked out of the building, and the boy he had been thinking about for two nights was standing in the old place downhill, next to him was Little Green, a fluorescent green dead fly, and on the ground was Little Leopard's sports bag.

He is waiting for himself.

The author has something to say: Small Theater, Friday, Zhang Gou: Don’t be afraid, I won’t force you to be nice to me.

After serious thinking and hustle and bustle furniture on Saturdays and Sundays

Zhang Gou: Xiaoyuan, here I come!You have to be nice to me!