Horse riding in the snow

Chapter 6

06

Dai Xu still couldn't swallow the last bowl of porridge.

The situation was worse than Luo Shengchao expected. Dai Xu seemed to feel that not being able to drink that bowl of porridge was an unforgivable sin. He tried two or three times in a row, but the retching became more severe each time, and the last time it almost caused palpitations.Luo Shengchao kept saying "it's okay" to him all the time, and after being pushed back by Dai Xu with a weak "it's okay" several times, he had to reach out and snatch the bowl back. His movements were too big, and the cold gruel spilled out The bedding was a mess.

Luo Shengchao felt uncomfortable, and his tone was inevitably a little anxious: "Stop drinking." Realizing that his tone was too blunt, he quickly lowered his volume and said, "Xuxu, you don't have to force yourself."

Dai Xu didn't think there was any problem, and when Luo Shengchao helped him out of bed, he stood obediently and apologized with lowered eyes: "I'm sorry, I will be fine next time, I won't..."

He couldn't finish his sentence, because Luo Shengchao's eyes were red in the slightly trembling field of vision from time to time.Luo Shengchao actually doesn't like to cry. He never cried when we were together, and when we broke up, there was only a little choking in his throat, but now before he could say anything, tears had already flowed down his face.

Dai Xu was a little flustered, his eyes kept staring round like a cat, and his lips were full of anger, and it was difficult to say "brother don't cry".Thinking is too difficult for him now, he doesn't understand why Luo Shengchao is sad, obviously he broke the last connection between them, obviously he doesn't care anymore, doesn't he?

He didn't blame him, he was just worried.

"Is someone asking you to take care of me?" Dai Xu said with difficulty, "You don't need to be stressed. I'm fine. There's nothing wrong with me... There are hospitals, doctors and nurses. I don't care. Tell me who forced you, Sheng Chao, there is no need to be afraid now."

The medical staff had already replaced the new sheets and quilts. Luo Shengchao held Dai Xu's shoulders and wanted to help him back to the bed. Dai Xu was very obedient and would do whatever he asked him to do. Put too much weight on Luo Shengchao's body, causing his thin body to crumble. Luo Shengchao was afraid that he would fall, so he stretched out his other hand to hug his chest, but the latter shrank tremblingly, as if trying to protect something .

Luo Shengchao raised his eyes to look at him, and saw a thick layer of panic on that pale face.Dai Xu seemed to be caught in some kind of illusion, and he blinked slowly to get out of the illusion, relaxing the tense muscles all over his body.

It was he who forgot, the porcelain doll was gone...so there was nothing to protect.

Dai Xu put his hand down, but Luo Shengchao inexplicably communicated with him at this moment, and hugged him a little tighter with a sore heart.

He couldn't promise Dai Xu that "there will be no next time", because that was already the last hope that Dai Xu tried his best to keep, and no matter what, there was no next chance.

Luo Shengchao put the man on the bed, wrapped him tightly with a thick quilt, and climbed onto the wide bed in the VIP ward.Dai Xu didn't know what he was going to do, he looked over with confusion, but his body subconsciously shrank a lot towards the wall, trying to leave enough space for Luo Shengchao so that he didn't have to stick close to him.

When Luo Shengchao went to bed, he leaned against the head of the bed, and when he climbed up, he lay on his side with his upper body supported. Dai Xu lay flat on the bed, with his head facing Luo Shengchao's chest.Such a posture was very common during the days when the two were passionately in love. Dai Xu is usually independent and quiet, but when he touches the bed, he will show a bit of intimacy like a baby. He likes to bury his mouth and nose in Luo Sheng's neck. On the chest and abdomen, it was like a small animal that had found its home.

For Luo Shengchao, the long-lost familiarity in Dai Xu's breath around him was enough for him to slowly mobilize the dust-covered memories in his heart. He raised his arms to hold Dai Xu closer to avoid the cold wall behind him. His face was frozen to him, but Dai Xu backed away again.

"Dirty." The pale man in his arms said, blowing his eyes.

Luo Shengchao replied hoarsely: "It's not dirty, it didn't get on the clothes, let's give it a hug, okay?"

He stretched out his hand again, this time firmly encircling Dai Xu's waist and abdomen under the quilt, the skin under his hand was sunken, and the left upper abdomen was a little cold.Dai Xu didn't struggle, but his whole body was slightly stiff, and his eyes looking at the ceiling seemed empty.

He listened to everything Luo Shengchao said, but the familiar embrace that he had expected and missed had become strange now.An invisible high wall was erected between the world and him, and he did not dare to break through, nor could he.

This seems to be something that cannot be changed by becoming a business tycoon or finally being free.

Luo Shengchao didn't dare to touch his head, so he moved closer to him carefully, and asked softly, "Is your stomach upset?"

Dai Xu shook his head and said, "It's okay."

So Luo Shengchao didn't ask him any more, and searched out the massage techniques from his messy memories, rubbed his palms warm, and gently and tentatively rubbed Dai Xu's abdomen, seeing that his brows were loose, he dared to add some He rubbed his stomach tightly.

It seemed that Dai Xu hadn't been so comfortable for a long time, and gradually became a little sleepy.Reason told him not to tarnish the temperature surrounding his body, but when his mind was blurred by fatigue, he felt a rare sense of nostalgia.

It was as if he was brought back to those peaceful and warm years by Luo Shengchao's embrace, and when he closed his eyes, he returned to many years ago.

Luo Shengchao whispered something in his ear, hot tears fell on Dai Xu's withered but too long hair.

"Dai Xu, I know everything. Dr. Guan and Zheng Wangxing have told me."

"I……"

Hearing this, Dai Xu's eyelashes trembled. His eyelashes were already dark and long, and his eyes trembled with such a movement, and he even looked a little pitiful.Luo Shengchao hugged him even tighter, and said softly: "Why don't you tell me you've been wronged? Tell me, let's face it together, even if we really have no choice but to separate, it won't be..."

Dai Xu moved in his arms, his fingers hooked uncontrollably on the corner of Luo Shengchao's clothes, and gradually tightened his grip on the cloth with every word that fell into his ears.His facial features, which had become sharper due to his weight loss, slowly softened at this moment, and a layer of red could not stop appearing in his eyes.

He opened his mouth, but his thin gray and purple lips couldn't say anything, but his nasal cavity twitched subconsciously.

"I'm sorry." His voice was hoarse, "I'm sorry Sheng Chao..."

Luo Shengchao's heart tightened, now Dai Xu really loves to say these three words, every time he said it, it seemed to hit him hard in the heart: "It's not your fault, don't apologize."

His voice is also a little hoarse, and he hasn't seen Dai Xu for three years. In order to prevent himself from being tempted by Dai Xu again, he has never even read the report about Dai Xu, but this feeling is just buried, but never. died.

The more you love, the more you hate, and you will act irrationally only when you are emotionally aroused.Luo Shengchao has been avoiding admitting that he never forgets a betrayer, but now, he can't help but regret it - if he had admitted earlier, wouldn't the two of them have come to this situation?

He also thought of the faint light in Dai Xu's eyes when he returned to China, is it that even that light is about to go out now?

"Let's stop doing this." Luo Shengchao whispered, "I know it looks like a joke for me to say this now, but I really... Actually, I have never been able to let you go, and now I know that you are innocent , how could I be willing to..."

"Let's start again, Xuxu, start again, I still love you as before, treat you well... is that okay?"

The last time Luo Shengchao said such a long sentence to Dai Xu, his attitude was still very cold. At that time, Dai Xu was as dull as if he couldn't understand human words, but now he became inexplicably alert, and he didn't even wait for Luo Shengchao. When the voice fell, he opened his mouth.

"Do not."

Luo Shengchao was taken aback, and half a second later he heard him say: "You should hate me, you should hate me, I betrayed you and dumped you. I hurt you, I am a bad person."

Luo Shengchao opened his mouth and subconsciously wanted to say "no", but his thoughts quickly flew back to the sweet words three years ago following his words.At that time, Dai Xu had a bit of self-esteem that had not yet been crushed and even the self-confidence of a kid from a rich family. He told Luo Shengchao that as long as he was here, he would not let others hurt him.

But the person who broke the promise turned out to be the one who made the oath. Dai Xu's pain when he made that decision can be imagined.

As long as Luo Shengchao imagined it for a while, he couldn't help the pain in his chest and the tip of his nose. He really loved Dai Xu so much, he loved the one in his arms, and the other.But the things that happened in the past are already deeply ingrained there. Dai Xu was held hands and stabbed Luo Shengchao personally. up.

Luo Shengchao didn't know how to comfort this person who was unwilling to forgive him.

He had no choice but to say again: "It's not your fault, and I don't blame you either."

But Dai Xu's eyes seemed to be hard to focus, and he still stubbornly continued the topic just now: "I treated you very badly, and you should be punished...it should be."

Luo Shengchao's heart sank, and he called him softly: "Dai Xu?"

Only then did the person in his arms react, and he said "um", but said "sorry" again.

Today's Dai Xu seems to be unable to communicate normally and fluently with others. Luo Shengchao had already noticed this two days ago, but it was only at this moment that he gradually realized that the problem seemed to be more serious than he imagined.At first, he only thought that the three years of foreign life had affected Dai Xu's ability to use the native language, but now that Dai Xu was in his arms, it seemed more like he had sealed himself off.

He couldn't listen, couldn't speak, and couldn't even raise his eyes to meet the eyes of others. Most of the time, his eyes were dull, as if he couldn't gather his attention at all.His head was always down, he was shaking, and he was always repeating the same words—most of which were "I'm sorry" and "It's okay."

Luo Shengchao suddenly remembered that Guan Chi had mentioned that Dai's family now had a psychiatrist, and also thought of Dai Xu's untouchable head, and immediately felt as if he had fallen into an ice cave.

He looked down at Dai Xu against the chill that spread from the soles of his feet, only to see the latter's still trembling eyelashes and gray lips.

What’s wrong with you?Dai Xu, what's wrong with you?

Such a question was like a ball of cotton wool stuck in Luo Shengchao's throat, but he couldn't ask it. He knew that maybe Dai Xu couldn't understand what he meant when he said it.He will understand caring as blame, he will understand softness as illusion, and he does not believe in any kindness that falls on himself.

It turned out that he had already pushed himself down to hell, and Luo Shengchao sealed the light above his head, so he no longer wanted to climb up.

The door that opened a gap five years ago was still locked tightly after all.