Horse riding in the snow

Chapter 10

10

Dai Xu was no stranger to this feeling.

Tiredness came suddenly, from all the limbs and skeletons to the chest permeating and converging, like a gluttonous beast devouring all his strength.It seemed that it became difficult to breathe for a moment. If Luo Shengchao was not still hugging him, Dai Xu would have almost slipped off the seat.

This is a sign of a depression attack.

so tired.

The heavy exhaustion dragged him directly from the air into the deep sea, and the illusion of suffocation made him struggle uncontrollably, but his limp hands and feet cramped before he could move, and he trembled in Luo Shengchao's arms Suddenly, his whole body twitched violently.

Luo Shengchao was startled, quickly helped him up, and called him in a low voice: "Xuxu? What's wrong with you?"

After a few breaths, Dai Xu had already closed his eyes. He knew too well the pain of this attack, and knew that he was powerless to resist, so he simply let the inexplicable pain erode his internal organs from the depths.Luo Shengchao should be a little anxious, he hugged him with great strength, and it hurt him...

The pain was unbearable.

But he couldn't bear to reject Luo Shengchao.Hatred and sadness gushed out uncontrollably, and he couldn't control himself and began to have dirty negative emotions towards Luo Shengchao, who had shattered all his hopes two days ago, and his love for Luo Shengchao became the last sandbag to stop the flood, which could not be blocked With resentment spurted out.

Dai Xu said with the reason that was about to be lost: "Don't pinch it...let it go, it hurts."

He thought he was roaring, but it sounded like a mosquito to Luo Shengchao.

He was shaking violently, his eyes were tightly closed, as if he was struggling with some kind of unexplainable pain.Luo Shengchao saw this kind of scene frequently in these few questions, but still couldn't get used to it. He thought it was because his hands were too strong, so he immediately let go of Dai Xu in fright.

The thin young man let go of his strength and immediately fell on the back of the back seat, panting like a dying fish.

"Dai Xu!" Luo Shengchao didn't dare to touch him, his eyes were red with anxiety, so he could only ask Guan Chi in the driver's seat for help, "Doctor Guan, please stop quickly! Take a look at Dai Xu, what's wrong with him?"

Guan Chi's expression in the central rearview mirror was solemn, he cast a look, clasped the steering wheel with his fingers, and said bitterly: "Depression has occurred, it's okay, watch him and don't let him hurt yourself... Xie Zihui can't take medicine , wait for him to get over it."

boil?How to boil it?

Luo Shengchao stared blankly at the people around him.Dai Xu's eyes were still closed, his face was pale, and his forehead was covered with fine cold sweat.Tears were streaming from the corners of his eyes as if out of control, his gray lips were trembling, and he was crying and panting, "It's so noisy".

Guan Chi also heard the movement, and raised his hand to turn off the car music.For a moment, only Dai Xu was left in the car panting and crying, which made people feel chest tight. Guan Chi continued to drive calmly and steadily, but his brows were always furrowed.

Depression is such a cruel thing, it is everywhere, invisible but always catches people by surprise.

The tinnitus became more and more serious, and fragmentary and muffled sounds began to appear in the ears.

It's a familiar voice.

Dai Xu opened his eyelids slightly, and found that in the blurred field of vision, a shadow suddenly appeared on the originally empty co-pilot.The shadow was tall and generous, slowly turned his head and smiled at Dai Xu accompanied by the roaring pain from all over his body.

It was Dai Jianwen, Dai Jianwen with huge eyes and an unusually large proportion of white eyes.

Dai Jianwen moved his lips and teeth, and it seemed that he was calling Dai Xu's name.

He laughed so horribly and eeriely that Dai Xu shuddered, and his heart stopped beating at that moment.He knew it was a hallucination, but he still suddenly gained strength, he straightened up and sat up, raised his wrist and lowered his head to bite down.

It's all fake, it's all fake.wake up.

He clenched with great force, and the not-so-sharp human teeth were forced to have a strong attack power. The canine teeth dug deeply into the pale skin, and blood slowly oozes out from the skinny wrist.Luo Shengchao was so distressed that he almost fainted, and he shed tears with Dai Xu, holding Dai Xu's arm tightly with both hands, but the quiet and self-sustaining appearance of the person in front of him has completely disappeared, and now he is showing a crazy and ugly look , Luo Shengchao tried his best to stop him, but he couldn't stop Dai Xu from hurting himself.

"Dai Xu! Dai Xu!" Luo Shengchao called him, "Don't bite, good boy, don't bite yourself, bite me, please baby, bite me, if you want to bite, bite me..."

But Dai Xu couldn't hear clearly, his sanity had been completely taken away by hallucinations.Luo Shengchao's voice fell into his ears, and it was all replaced by sneering laughter.Those sarcasm full of mocking laughter seemed to be pierced into his soft and fragile heart with a sharp knife. He opened his eyes wide and saw Luo Shengchao's body leaning over to block the phantom figure of Dai Jianwen on the co-pilot, but the young man's face Shang's original concern and distress were blurred into a mess, twisted into a weird smile by the disordered nerves.

Dai Xu heard the crisp sound of broken ceramics mixed into that sharp laughter, which was the overlap of the sounds of vases and porcelain dolls being broken.

He couldn't take it anymore, the fatigue was about to overwhelm him, but there was nowhere to release the negative emotions that were about to explode.Dai Xu let go of his clenched teeth, and leaned on the seat wet as if he had been fished out of the water. Luo Shengchao hurriedly caught his falling wrist, and covered his wound with a tissue and palm Stop the bleeding.

He couldn't feel the pain anymore, the corner of his mouth was stained with blood, but he sneered and babbled nonsense, "...Why?"

Luo Shengchao paused and looked up at Dai Xu.Dai Xu's complexion was gray, his lips were bright red, and there was hatred between his half-closed eyelids.

"You laugh at me, you blame me... Please, please." He sobbed, his Adam's apple trembled violently a few times, and suddenly he raised his head and began to twitch violently again, as if struggling and venting.

There was a roaring cry rolling out of his throat, and Luo Shengchao saw the lover in his heart panting in pain, tears and blood smeared his face, and the hand that was not held was grasping in vain in the air. .

"Please, please let me go, please... I hate you." Dai Xu was still crying, "What did I do wrong, I just want him, ho, ho, what did I do wrong... ..."

Guan Chi in the front seat heard that something was wrong with Dai Xu's breathing sound, panicked and hurriedly slowed down the car, blinking twice to find a place to stop.He sternly said to Luo Shengchao: "The medicine is in his pocket, you take two and press it under your tongue. His heart is not right, massage his chest."

Luo Shengchao was terrified when he heard what the doctor said. Guan Chi had told him before that Dai Xu's heart problem was life-threatening. The legs clamped Dai Xu's struggling crotch, and he fumbled for the medicine bottle in the man's pocket. After checking the name of the medicine and confirming that it was heart medicine, there were two small pills everywhere, and he grabbed Dai Xu's jaw forcibly. , Squeeze the person's mouth open.

Dai Xu's lips and teeth were covered with blood from the wrist bitten. Luo Shengchao was so dizzy, he felt the blood vessels on the back of his hand constricted in pain, and he almost let go with a trembling hand.Dai Xu's teeth were forced open, and he couldn't speak clearly, but the movement of his tongue and the trembling of his whole body still didn't stop. Luo Shengchao noticed that his half-closed eyes had turned white, so he quickly pushed the pill under his tongue and pressed it. good.

Dai Xu's body was too fragile to sustain an emotional outburst of this intensity for a long time. He was soon forced to withdraw from the out-of-control depression attack, and he couldn't even vent his hatred and grievances.He couldn't cry anymore, the flustered feeling of shortness of breath quickly replaced the chaotic thoughts, his whole body went limp, he closed his eyes, and stopped crying, only gasping weakly and hoarsely.

He didn't even have the strength to press his chest.

Luo Shengchao just straddled him like this, not daring to press him with the strength of his legs, his neck and the back of his head pressed against the roof of the car, so that his blood flowed back and his head became dizzy.But he still skillfully massaged Dai Xu's chest with moderate strength, feeling the weak and chaotic beating in that thin chest, and let the hot tears fall drop by drop on Dai Xu's collar or front superior.

It was so painful, he felt pain for Dai Xu's pain.

Luo Shengchao silently and persistently rubbed Dai Xu's chest until he felt that the other person's heartbeat had calmed down before he dared to look up at the face he loved so much——

Dai Xu leaned against the back seat of the car with his eyes closed, his face still looking miserable, and the blood was wiped off his lips during the movement, revealing the original purple and white color.His long withered and yellow hair fell loosely, just like his whole body, beautiful and fragile limp there, unable to even move his fingertips.

Luo Shengchao carefully rolled over from him, only then belatedly regained his breath.He held up Dai Xu's blood-stained wrist, and his heart ached so much that his voice broke: "Does it hurt? Why bite so hard... Xuxu, does it hurt?"

The tinnitus finally disappeared, and Dai Xu heard how gentle Luo Shengchao's voice was in reality.At this moment, he suddenly felt that he who had slandered Luo Shengchao was very hateful, and he even dared not open his eyes to see the person he had slandered, so he could only move his fingers to touch Luo Shengchao's cold hand , Squeeze out a few words in a low voice.

"It's okay...it doesn't hurt, I'm sorry." He gasped weakly and tried his best, his voice was choked with sobs again, "I'm sorry."

I'm sorry for being so cruel to you, I'm sorry for thinking of hating you, I'm sorry for scaring you... He wanted to say a lot, but the onset of depression had taken away all the strength in his body, and he could only move his fingers as far as possible. He curled up a little tighter, hooking on Luo Shengchao's index finger without letting go.

The car had come to a slow stop, Guan Chi found out the medicine box in the car, turned around calmly and used the gap between the seats to reach out to treat Dai Xu's wound.Luo Shengchao still couldn't hold back his tears. He wanted to cry when he saw the cotton swab stained with disinfectant on Dai Xu's thin wrist. He rubbed his thumb against Dai Xu's cold phalanx, and covered Dai Xu's eyes with his other hand to prevent him from looking at it. The process of bandaging.

"It's okay Xuxu, you should hate me." He leaned over and kissed the back of his hand covering Dai Xu's eyes, suppressing his voice, "You are just sick, we are sorry for you."

He felt Dai Xu's long eyelashes rubbing against his palm lightly and slowly, obviously the person in his arms had returned to the dull state before.Luo Shengchao could imagine how those eyes went out little by little, and how they turned back to emptiness. He didn't dare to look at Dai Xu's bewildered eyes, and he didn't let go of his hands after Guan Chi had bandaged the wound, so he just covered those eyes with one hand. , put one hand on Dai Xu's chest, enduring the soreness in his heart to comfort the powerless person.

After a long time, he heard Dai Xu's weak voice: "Sheng Chao, I'm a little sleepy."

Luo Shengchao sniffed and coaxed him with the same low voice: "Sleep, you'll be home when you wake up."

Dai Xu became silent, and he turned back into that obedient cat, and soon his breathing calmed down, and his whole body returned to a quiet and gentle appearance.

Only then did Luo Shengchao let go of the hand covering his eyes, and harvested a handful of wet tears in his palm.He tidied up Dai Xu's clothes, took out a tissue to wipe off his sharp face, secretly kissed those pale lips, then hugged Dai Xu wearily, and buried his head in the hollow of his neck .

Guan Chi glanced at the couple curled up in the back seat from the rearview mirror, and couldn't help but sigh.He thought that Luo Shengchao was going to take a break with Dai Xu after such a toss, so he stopped playing the music and continued to drive forward steadily, but he didn't expect that Luo Shengchao's deliberately soft voice sounded half a minute later.

"Doctor Guan."

"Ok?"

Luo Shengchao still closed his eyes: "Does he often do this?"

Guan Chi said: "Depression has been happening for several years. I sometimes hit it, but most of it is handled by Dr. Xie. It's just that Dai Shao's heart problem is more serious, and sometimes it can cause acute heart failure or Heart palpitations, I'll deal with them."

Luo Shengchao tightened his eyelids, and the hand holding Dai Xu's sleeve couldn't help trembling: "But he struggled so hard..."

Guan Chi smiled wryly, and did not hide it from those who had the right to know: "Today is already done, he probably subconsciously didn't want to disobey your intentions, so he took the medicine obediently. He often couldn't hold the medicine before. He just vomited out, even when I stretched out my hand, he retched. There was no other way, I had to inject it intravenously, but he refused to give it honestly... Dr. Xie will assist me and give Dai less use of a restraint belt."

Luo Shengchao trembled, he couldn't imagine that Dai Xu's pain would be so out of control that he would be reduced to the point where he had to be tied up to be able to cooperate with the injection.He never thought that Dai Xu was a lunatic, even though Dai Xu had had fits in front of him several times in the past few days, in his heart, Dai Xu was still the gentle, quiet and gentle boy in the past.

It is the pain that this world brings to Dai Xu is too heavy, not that Dai Xu wants to succumb to madness.

He believed in Dai Xu, so he felt sorry for Dai Xu even more.

Luo Shengchao clenched his teeth and was speechless.

Through the rearview mirror, Guan Chi saw that Luo Shengchao's neck was a little red. He lowered his eyes for a moment, and said calmly, "Sheng Chao... I can call you that. You don't have to take what Young Master Dai said too seriously." , he’s actually just passing on what you said.” He obviously heard Dai Xu’s words of blaming Luo Shengchao when he suffered from depression just now, “The person who has the most influence on him is actually Boss Dai. I think if he has complaints in his heart, Most of them were directed at Boss Dai."

Guan Chi slowly drove the car into the apartment area where Dai Xu lived in China, and he spoke in a leisurely manner. The meaning of comfort was obvious, but it didn't make people feel blunt: "Dr. Xie once told me that family and lover [-]. The meaning of a friend to a person is different. The family has spent the longest time with him and knows him best, and he has had emotional contact with his family since he was born. This identity and connection cannot be washed away in his life. and discarded. Therefore, the family can control him the most, and can hurt him the most easily."

"Before Young Master Dai knew that he was not Boss Dai's biological son... I think he also thought about getting Boss Dai's love and closeness." Guan Chi said deeply, "If you have expectations for something, the harm you will suffer later will be the same. It will be more serious."

In a word, it applies to Dai Xu vs. Dai Jianwen, and vice versa. It also applies to Dai Xu vs. Luo Shengchao, and it may also apply to more people.

Luo Shengchao admitted that what Guan Chi said was right, but this was not a consolation.Whether Dai Xu had so many wounds buried in his heart, or Dai Xu didn't even allow himself to blame others, Luo Shengchao was heartbroken.

What he once met was a Venus with a broken arm, but now that the sour rain was rolling down, he could no longer see Venus clearly.He still felt that those elegant lines were as beautiful as ever, but the self-disciplined Venus had lost her position on herself.

The fallen god thinks that he is not as good as ordinary people now, but the believers don't know how to tell the gods about their piety.