He doesn't know today

Chapter 47 He Doesn't Know

"I have a monster living in my head."

This was the first and last sentence that Lu Guican wrote down when he got the diary.

The last diary went into the trash can, but this sentence is etched in my mind forever.

He looked at the book by the trash can for a long time, and didn't move until his legs were numb.He picked up the book, tore off the page and crumpled it into a ball of paper. After thinking about it, he went to the room to find a courier box and put it on top.

After doing all this, he started throwing waste paper into the trash can again, and he stopped after making sure that no one at home could find that passage.

In the eyes of his parents, he should be sensible and obedient, and he would not write such strange words.

Lu's father is a businessman, and Lu's mother has no job, so she usually stays at home.Lu Guican could feel that their relationship was not good from a very young age.

But they never quarrel, they just rarely communicate.Because of the difference in status, Mother Lu's attitude towards Father Lu is always cautious.Not only that, she did not forget to teach her son not to make his father angry.

In Lu's mother's view, a good child should have excellent grades and a well-behaved personality.Lu's father is not at home often, and occasionally the family of three gets together, and he will read Lu Guican's report card.

Don't be noisy, don't make trouble, and have top-notch grades... This is the idea that Lu Guican has been instilled since he was a child.

Over time, it becomes a habit.

But it was just a habit, only he knew that he had kept something in his heart.

One day, the thing popped up out of nowhere.Lu Guican was still in junior high school at the time. One evening self-study, a classmate accidentally bumped into his desk while walking, and the pen immediately drew an abrupt line on the paper.

The classmate knew that he had a good temper and didn't care, so he just apologized with a smile.

At that moment, Lu Guican's first thought was to kick over the desk, and then slap the book on that person's face.

When his classmates walked away, he came back to his senses, first he was frightened by his own thoughts, and then he calmed down a little bit.

As if seeds were planted in his heart, there were more and more such sudden violent thoughts, no matter the occasion, no matter the time.Over time, he realized that the seed had sprouted and taken root long ago, and even entangled itself like a vine.

He'd have sudden tantrums, and he'd have big tantrums over trivial things.

So he started wearing a mask.

Wear it in front of your parents, wear it at school, and only take it off when you are alone.

He knew that there was a monster in his head, he said it was a monster, more like a time bomb, and he had to hold on to that lead all the time so that it wouldn't explode suddenly.

At first there was no need to vent, but as time passed, the shackles created by fantasy were broken free.

He likes to draw, something he does quietly even after his parents express displeasure.

Lu Guican went to the studio next door to the school without telling his parents, everything seemed to be calm.Until one day, he had an argument with a classmate, and it was only the boy who got angry at first.

The two stood at the entrance of the empty corridor, and Lu Guican listened quietly without saying a word.Until the other party snatched his drawing board and tore off his painting...

He doesn't really have a deep memory of that period, he just remembers raising his hand, and after the opponent frantically fought back, he moved his foot again.

This matter naturally spread throughout the school, and it was inevitable that parents would know about it.The strange thing is that Lu Guican didn't feel any fear or guilt, but was very calm.

Lu's mother took him for an examination, and went home to talk with Lu's father for a long time.Father Lu came forward to settle this matter, and his parents arranged for him to transfer after the dust settled.

One day, Lu Guican suddenly realized that his parents were afraid of him, and even his childhood sweethearts who grew up together were a little afraid of him.

Now that everyone knew, Lu Guican no longer pretended to be gentle in front of them, but outside, he put on the mask again.

Lu Guican hid his side very well, and no one knew about it until university.

He feels that he is better than those people, and most of the time, he can actually control his emotions.This is what he has been doing since he was a child.

Just when Lu Guican thought that he would be able to get through college safely, and that he had put on a tight mask this time, he met a boy in his junior year.

Lu Guican still remembered that he had just quarreled with his parents that day, and he was so excited that he could hardly restrain himself.He realized that he couldn't go back to the dormitory yet, so he chose a remote place in the school to calm himself down.

As a result, not only did he not calm down, he couldn't help but finish drinking the wine he bought for his roommate.

That boy suddenly appeared at this time, said a lot of inexplicable words, and even threw his phone into the water by mistake.

It's silly and weird.

The strangest thing was himself, he didn't feel impatient.

Later, he and this boy met again in a lecture in the library. The boy looked very excited and said that his name was Liu Yuyuan.

At first glance, Liu Yuyuan is the kind of person who has very few worries, with a smile on his face all day long, and he is easy to see through at a glance.Unlike him, who hides things in his heart and wears a mask on his face.

Lu Guican felt that she was envious of him.

Once he met Liu Yuyuan in the library, he was working on a ppt when he suddenly heard a snap.Looking up, Liu Yuyuan fell asleep on the table.

He didn't pay much attention, and the next second, the boy started talking in his sleep, and Lu Guican heard three words clearly, his name.

Lu Guican glanced at the boy.

Liu Yuyuan didn't make a sound anymore, his eyes were closed tightly, and he only smacked his mouth once in a while.

He himself is a genius, so he naturally knew that Liu Yuyuan meant that to him.

Lu Guican has no problem with being gay.

It can't be said that he hates it, but he really has no interest in Liu Yuyuan.

Honestly, he's not interested in anyone.

No matter who he is facing, his attitude is always the same. As long as he wears the mask firmly, there will be no mistakes.

Liu Yuyuan is very proactive, but he also understands the principle of when to stop, so that he won't make people feel difficult.So much so that Lu Guican didn't feel disgusted, he was full of confidence, acquiesced to Liu Yuyuan's approach, and finally missed the best time to stay away.

It's true that he envies Liu Yuyuan, and it's true that he thinks he's interesting.The appeal of boys seems to be innate. In front of the other party, Lu Guican doesn't need to say polite words like before, he can keep silent, because Liu Yuyuan can always chatter for a long time.

In fact, if Liu Yuyuan was a girl, Lu Guican would immediately keep his distance.But he is a man.And because of the other party's temperament, it is easy for him to let go of his guard.

When Lu Guican laughed sincerely, he realized that he liked being with the other party quite a bit.

One day, Lu Guican saw the ex-boyfriend Liu Yuyuan was talking about. After listening to Liu Yuyuan's explanation, he returned to the dormitory and found that the monster that hadn't appeared for a long time began to grin again.

Liu Yuyuan invited him to the garden party. He watched the boy being put on a wreath by the girl he knew. It should be a funny scene, but Lu Guican was stunned when the other party looked back at him.

When you can't take your eyes off a person, it means that you have moved your heart.

Lu Guican didn't know this sentence, he was just a little confused, he couldn't tell whether it was the flower or the boy who was beautiful.

During the college's lecture on the second day, Lu Guican saw Liu Yuyuan again.He almost subconsciously thought that the other party did it on purpose.

Roommate Wang Ze also noticed it, and even became worried for Lu Guican.

Wang Ze said to him in the background: "Stay away from that boy."

Lu Guican raised his eyelids, "What's wrong?"

"He should be interested in you." Wang Ze frowned, "He and I are the same kind of people."

Wang Ze was always afraid of his own identity, Lu Guican had heard him mention it.But inexplicably, he didn't like Wang Ze's attitude towards Liu Yuyuan very much.

In the past, he always had an easy-going attitude in front of others, but this time he subconsciously turned black.

Wang Ze was also surprised, but he only guessed why the other party was uncomfortable.After Wang Ze asked aloud, Lu Guican reacted and smiled at him.

He realized that he cared too much about Liu Yuyuan's affairs, which was not a good thing, at least for Lu Guican, because his emotions were obviously more difficult to control than before.

Lu Guican's way of venting is to tear up the paper, tearing them up into pieces, crumpling them up and throwing them away, it can relieve a lot.

One night, Wang Ze faltered and told him that Liu Yuyuan had entered the hospital.

Lu Guican's expression was very calm at the time, and he didn't even ask how Wang Ze knew, but only asked, "Which hospital?"

Then get dressed, put on your shoes, and go out.

Like a step-by-step machine, the whole process does not require too much thinking.Until he got on the car to the hospital and looked at the night outside the window, he took his hand out of his coat pocket, and there were a few scraps of paper on his palm.

Fortunately, Liu Yuyuan only had acute gastroenteritis. When Lu Guican arrived, he saw the boy sitting in the corridor and sleeping with his head tilted. Liu Yuyuan had the kind of baby-faced appearance. It was difficult to stay quietly. Imagine the other party's happy appearance.

But Lu Guican is very clear and has a deep memory.He sat down next to the other party. He was also a little sleepy at first, but now that he met someone, he became more energetic.He silently observed the pair of eyebrows and eyes that often smiled, and played the bottle with Liu Yuyuan all night.

Until this moment, Lu Guican had to admit that he really liked Liu Yuyuan, he would be affected by the other party's emotions, and at certain moments, he would not be used to boys being close to other people.

But he also knew that the other party didn't like him.To be precise, the person the other party likes is the one wearing a mask.

After that time in the hospital, Liu Yuyuan frequently appeared in front of Lu Guican again, as if he had been pumped again.Vaguely, Lu Guican even felt that it might be possible for him and Liu Yuyuan.He can restrain himself for his sake.

Afterwards, Lu Guican accompanied him to meet his ex-boyfriend, and when he heard Liu Yuyuan express that he hated liars, he calmed down in vain.

If you use this to develop a further relationship with Liu Yuyuan, what is the difference between yourself and a liar?

The two were reviewing in the library, the boy was sleeping, and he was watching.When he reacted, his hand touched the sketchbook.It was his first time to draw people, and he was very cautious every time he put pen to paper.

He thought of the emotion that he had carefully hidden away.

When Liu Yuyuan confessed to him, he escaped.

He chose a method of refusal that he thought was funny, and asked the other party if it was a game, but Liu Yuyuan told him it was.

Lu Guican felt lost again.

This way of handling is obviously the best, but he is very selfish.He couldn't resist looking for Liu Yuyuan. Although he knew that the other party was lying to him, he got angry when he heard the boy say that he didn't like him.

Fortunately, Liu Yuyuan didn't notice it, and fell in love with him as if his wish had been fulfilled.

On the one hand, Lu Guican was rejoicing, but on the other hand, he was afraid.

He was glad that Liu Yuyuan didn't know his true face, and he was also afraid that he would be exposed one day.

He comforted himself over and over again, it was all right, he didn't know.

Meeting his former junior high school classmate was something he hadn't expected. God seemed to be trying to make things difficult for him. Not only did he meet him, but he also let that person run into his relationship with Liu Yuyuan.

The classmate spoke harshly to each other, out of control, the monster ran out again.

Afterwards, Liu Yuyuan came to him, and he saw the panic in the other's eyes, and his heart sank.

He still knows.