flawed

Chapter 103 Thinking

[Brother, it's almost New Years, how are you doing recently?

In every corner of the school, there are first and second graders rehearsing songs and dances for the New Year's Eve party. Senior three students don't participate in the performance, and I don't know if the school will let us go to the party.

The college entrance examination is half a year away, and the school squeezed our study time to the limit, and some students in the class couldn't stand it and had a nervous breakdown.

But you don't have to worry about me at all, I'm fine and always number one.The teacher in charge said that maintaining this momentum would not be a problem to impact the ideal school.It's just that I have very little time for myself, and I can't write to you as often as before in the past few months.

我 很想 你.

If I remember correctly, you will be able to come out in April next year, very soon, there are still more than 120 days left.

The students are counting down for the college entrance examination, and I am only counting down for you.But it seems that the closer to that day, the more difficult the days become. I think of you more often, and I dream of our reunion every night.

Can you tell me the specific time in your next letter, and I will pick you up when I think about it.

I know you don't want me to come and feel like a waste of time.

But in the two years since you were away, I have been studying hard every day, even during vacations.Whenever I slack off, I will think that you are waiting for me to pick you up, you are waiting for me to get a good grade, and then I will cheer up again.

This is very important to me, brother, you must let me pick you up.

When I write this letter, Hongcheng has the first snow of the year.I don't know if it snows there.

I hope you are down there too. 】

After marking the last full stop, Jiang Yu held the pen in a daze for a while, but finally put it down.

This letter is only one page.

As the two separated longer, Jiang Yu's letters became shorter and shorter.It's not that I don't have anything to say, but that I want to say too much, but I dare not say a word.

Every time I write a letter, I can only choose every word carefully, write down what can be said, and continue to bury what can't be said in the bottom of my heart.The more he wrote, the more he leaked. He worried that even if he was as dull as Qi Nuliang, he could still see what was on his mind.

Fold the letter paper, put it in an envelope, write the address, and put a stamp on it.He put the envelope under his pillow and fell asleep with his thoughts on his head.

Over the past year, he has learned a lot about homosexuality from various sources.

I entered gay forums online and read many posts.Join some groups and chat with gay men.Most people just hold the purpose of having some short-term physical relationships, but there are also a small amount of sincere exchanges.He bought some related research works from the bookstore, and also read some papers on the Internet.

With the deepening of understanding, he has his own understanding and views on this group.He has a fuller understanding of himself, and he can be sure that he is truly gay.

Except that the only object of deep love is a man, the male genitals can truly arouse him, just imagine the face above the neck as Qi Nuliang.In addition, the man's full chest muscles, fleshy buttocks, waist and tattoos all make him feel very sexy.

He sorted out the relationship with Qi Nuliang.

Despite the desperation of the facts, he could not deceive himself.Qi Nuliang is essentially a man with traditional thinking, and he will never accept him as a lover and partner, and even the reality that he is gay may not be acceptable.

So he can only hide all this, and they can only live together like relatives.

It's going to be torture.

But compared to losing Qi Nuliang, Jiang Yu would rather endure the pain that cannot be loved.

On the sixteenth day of the winter month of the lunar calendar, another snow fell.

It was a Sunday, some junior boarding students all ran to the playground to play in the snow, and there was a lot of laughter outside the window.

In the window, near the end of the period, the study atmosphere of the prospective candidates became more tense.During this half-day holiday every week, everyone is reluctant to rest.Without a teacher, most students still consciously study in the classroom.

Only Jiang Yu left as soon as the school bell rang.He is no different than other classmates. He has his parents to take care of everything he eats and drinks, and he can only rely on himself.I have to spend half a day every week to buy some daily necessities, and to wash clothes and clean up.

Today is his birthday, but this day is meaningless in this situation.There is no one who celebrates his birthday with him, nor is he in this mood.After shopping and passing by the cake shop, he didn't even bother to take a look.

Back home, looking at the messy house, he sighed softly, and immediately rolled up his sleeves and started cleaning.

All the dirty clothes on the sofa were stuffed into the washing machine, and the dishes and chopsticks accumulated in the kitchen for a week were washed one by one, and then the table was wiped and the floor was swept.After finishing all these tasks quickly, it was already mid-afternoon.Before he had time to eat, Jiang Yu just tore open a pack of instant noodles when he heard someone knock on the door.

When I opened the door, it was Officer Wu.

After not seeing him for several years, Wu Kequan still didn't treat himself as an outsider, just opened the door and entered, and put all the things he was carrying on the table that Jiang Yu had just cleaned up.

Jiang Yu saw a birthday cake at a glance.

Wu Kequan pointed at the cake: "Today is your birthday, right? A few days ago I went to see Lao Qi for something, and he told me that today is your birthday, and asked me to help deliver a cake."

Jiang Yu looked at Wu Kequan's face, then at the cake, his nose felt a little sore, and his throat began to choke.

After being dazed for a few seconds, he suddenly smiled: "He still remembers my birthday."

"Remember, talking about you, coming-of-age ceremony, he can't spend it with you, so I must send him a cake."

"My brother... is he okay?"

"No problem. It's coming out soon." Wu Kequan slapped his head and remembered the most important thing, "By the way, he applied for an opportunity to make external calls. During the time period from [-]:[-] to [-]:[-] in the evening, don't turn off the phone It's rare for him to apply for such an opportunity, don't miss it. He can only call you from the prison, and he can't answer you when you call."

"I see."

"Nothing else. Happy birthday!" Wu Kequan was about to leave after speaking.

"Officer Wu, don't you want a light meal?"

"No, I still have something to do. Let's talk about it next time when your brother comes out."

Jiang Yu still had a lot to ask, but he had already left.

Since Wu Kequan left, he took his mobile phone and put it on the table, staring at it while eating the cake, waiting for the hard-won call.

Because he and Qi Nuliang have no legal relationship, even if they are the closest people to each other in the world, he can't visit Qi Nuliang, and Qi Nuliang can't call him. Just write.

In the past two years, dozens of letters have been written back and forth.But no matter how much he writes, a thin piece of paper cannot carry his thick and heavy thoughts.The deleted emotions in the letter paper are even more pale.

He longed to see Qi Nuliang, even to hear his voice.

The mobile phone was always in front of my eyes, and I pressed it open to look at it from time to time, waiting anxiously, then opened the text message box and read their past messages one by one.I was too fascinated by watching, the battery of my mobile phone had already aged and wasted very quickly, and when I came back to my senses, there was only one battery left.Jiang Yu hurriedly replaced a charged battery, and now he didn't dare to look at the phone again.

It was dark early in the rainy and snowy day, and I had already eaten a cake, stuffing my stomach full, but I didn't feel cold, but my heart was warm.

Just as he missed Qi Nuliang, Qi Nuliang also missed him wholeheartedly.

Jiang Yu was wearing a quilt and sitting cross-legged on the sofa.The pious waiting made him seem to have turned into a stone statue.

The ear-piercing ringtone of the phone rang in the silence, and the static stone statue instantly came to life.Before the ringing ended, he picked up the phone.

He had a lot of things to tell Qi Nuliang, thousands of words were scrambling in his throat, he opened his mouth, but his throat was tightly blocked, and he couldn't say a word.

Qi Nuliang on the opposite side didn't speak immediately, and the two people on both ends of the phone just faced each other silently.

After a while, Qi Nuliang tentatively asked, "Xiao Yu?"

For two years, this familiar voice made Jiang Yu's heart twitch. He couldn't help but reach out and grab the clothes on his chest. He tried his best to calm down, but his breath still trembled uncontrollably: "Brother..."

Hearing that it was Jiang Yu, Qi Nuliang breathed a sigh of relief, and his tone of voice relaxed a lot.

"It's your birthday today, do you still remember?"

"Ah."

"I asked the surname Wu to buy you a birthday cake, did he bring it to you?"

"It's here."

"It's considered that he is reliable in his work. It's cold, and the cake is cold. You should eat less at a time, and don't finish it in one sitting, so as not to cause stomach trouble."

Jiang Yu stared at the empty cake tray: "I know."

"The college entrance examination is half a semester away, so study is very stressful. Don't feel pressured. We can go to whatever school we are admitted to, as long as we have books. You set your goals so high, and you put too much pressure on yourself. , take it easy."

"Ok, I know."

After finishing a few exhortations, Qi Nuliang couldn't think of anything more to say for a while, and he was temporarily cold on the other side.

Jiang Yu swallowed his saliva and called out, "Brother..."

"What's the matter?" Hearing the aggrieved voice, Qi Nuliang told him again, "It's eighteen, you should take good care of yourself, you know?"

"……I miss you."

Probably did not expect Jiang Yu to say this suddenly, Qi Nuliang was taken aback.

"Brother, I miss you very much."

"It's not all coming out soon, it's only a few months."

"Did you think of me?"

"Cough...we'll meet in two months...you're an adult now, why are you acting like a baby?"

"Brother, do you miss me?"

"...Think about it, miss you, okay."

"What do you think?"

"...Can you still talk properly?"

"Do you think about it every day?"

Qi Nuliang corrected his voice: "The call time is only 5 minutes, the time is up soon, I will pick up the important ones.

"I was released from prison on April 4, if you want to come pick me up on that day.

"You are busy, so don't spend time writing letters later, I will write to you.

"Take care of yourself and don't let me see you lose weight.

"I miss you very much too, I miss you every day, and I really want to come out to accompany you in the college entrance examination soon.

"The phone will be disconnected soon. Happy birthday, baby..."

The call came to an abrupt end.

Jiang Yu held the phone and was unwilling to put it down. Hearing the beeping sound in the receiver, he smiled foolishly and shed tears again.