Dawn is coming

Chapter 27 You have to finish writing

Before waking up, Jian Chengqi hadn't dreamed.

He dreamed of his childhood, from the perspective of a bystander, he saw his childhood.His mother, Lin Ying, was making milk powder. His father was holding him and sitting on the sofa. Jian Li, who was seven or eight years old, held his hand and coaxed him, telling him not to cry, and that he would have milk powder soon. , it will be fine soon.

"Father, what are you laughing at?" Jian Li coaxed him so earnestly, but his father, who had always been taciturn, curled his lips into a smile.

"Your brother is much more rambunctious than when you were a kid," his father said.

"It's also fatter than you." Lin Ying was shaking the bottle, "Look at your brother, his legs and arms are cut into pieces, just like lotus root."

Jian Li also smiled: "Same as lotus root, isn't that little Nezha." He poked Xiao Chengqi's white and tender arm, and asked selfishly: "You are so noisy, will you really become Nezha in the future? ? But it doesn't matter, you just have to be happy, brother protects you!"

Of course, Jian Chengqi did not become Nezha, and became more obedient and sensible the older he grew up, but Jian Li, who was six years older than him, kept fulfilling his childhood promise as always.The old women in the village gossip a lot, and when they see Xiao Chengqi, they will point and point, saying that Jian’s family’s financial conditions are not good, why they gave birth to another one, it is probably an accidental pregnancy, Jian Li’s temper has become more violent, and she will quarrel with those old people, The old man said that Jian Li didn't respect the old, but Jian Li went back and said that they didn't know how to love the young, so why should he be polite to those who don't respect the old.

"Don't listen to their nonsense, mom and dad have the same love for us." Jian Li said to Xiao Chengqi at that time, "If anyone in the village talks about this again, you can tell your brother, and he will scold you back for you!"

He was three years old at that time, and his elder brother was nine years old. He was studying in the elementary school in the village and town, and the middle and high school after that were also very ordinary.Later, his parents' small business improved, allowing Jian Chengqi to enjoy educational resources that his elder brother never had.Jian Li has never shown any jealousy. Even if relatives say that their parents spend a lot of money on Jian Chengqi's education, Jian Li will refute it in front of them, saying that it is because Jian Chengqi is smart and up-to-date. Some people's children cannot be gilded even if they are sent abroad.

He really likes this younger brother. Every time he sees Jian Chengqi's report card, he is proud and happy. It's really a pity that he couldn't go to Jian Chengqi's parent meeting with his parents.

He will always stand by Jian Chengqi's side.Later, his parents worked hard to earn money, and rarely accompanied and paid attention to Jian Chengqi, so every time they sat down to eat together, they would race against time to say what Jian Chengqi did not do well and needed to work hard, and rarely praised him.His father didn't really like that Jian Chengqi spent most of his pocket money on books for living expenses, and his eyes were nearsighted. Jian Chengqi didn't know how to explain it, but Jian Li would say that it was better than spending his money on playing games. Come on.He didn't write a story in high school, partly because his mother flipped through his previous notebooks without permission, and had a long talk with him, saying that it is important to study, and don't write about it.Jian Chengqi is so obedient, he doesn't think he can write as a writer, he can publish a book, so he obediently stopped writing, Jian Li felt sorry for this for a long time, and persuaded him not to give up.

He never felt that Jian Chengxi's birth took away the love from his parents that belonged to him. He also gave Jian Chengxi his love and care unreservedly. In this conservative and traditional family, Jian Li is a Couldn't be better brother.

But not only Jian Chengqi's parents died, but also Jian Li's.He has taken care of this younger brother since he was a child, and when he has no family, he hates him so much.Jian Chengqi also hated, hated himself, why didn't he die, why was he born, how he wished he hadn't been born.

He heard it sung in the old song - IsometimeswishI'dneverbeenbornatall.

He took a short breath, then opened his eyes, and there was darkness in front of him again.His mind was so clouded that he could only vaguely remember waking up once during the day, blinking and looking at the open window, he couldn't find the moon.

He propped himself up and sat up, hunched over, and was in a daze for a while.He also saw the person lying on the side of the bed. He must be exhausted, so he took a nap with his arms on his head and breathed evenly.Jian Chengqi didn't bother him, threw off the quilt and got out of bed, without shoes, walked straight out of the door with bare feet.

As soon as he went out, Gao Xinye, who was lying on his stomach, immediately opened his eyes.He was afraid that Jian Chengqi was sleepwalking, so he didn't dare to make any noise to scare him, but just followed silently at a distance of four or five meters.Jian Chengqi also seemed to be aimless, just kept walking and walking, and finally entered the kitchen by accident.He didn't turn on the light either, but leaned against the wall and groped for the place where the ingredients were placed.He was probably looking for something, and even opened the refrigerator. Gao Xinye was a little optimistic at first, thinking that Jian Chengqi was hungry, so he came to find something to eat by himself, but when he took out the bottled wine, Gao Xinye rushed over to snatch it away. Past the bottle.

But the seal has been torn off by Jian Chengqi, and the thin, aluminum seal, which is sharp enough to scratch the skin, is tightly held in his hand.

"Give me..." By the light of the refrigerator, Gao Xinye slightly arched his back, trying to make himself and Jian Chengqi look at the same level.Jian Chengqi pursed his lips as if holding back tears, but Chao Gao Xinye stretched out his other hand and said, give it to me.

give me wine.

"You can't drink - okay, okay," seeing Jian Chengxi clenched the seal even tighter, Gao Xinye repeatedly agreed, and at the same time approached slowly, comforting: "Give me the seal, you can do whatever you want, You give me the seal."

"...I just want wine." Jian Chengqi also pushed back, with red eyes, and said stubbornly that he only wanted wine.

"Do you have anything else you want?" Gao Xinye also panicked, not knowing what to say.But what else would Jian Chengqi want, he asked him if he wanted a pen.

For Jian Chengqi, drinking is not the only way for him to vent his emotions. If the function of alcohol is more to paralyze and escape, then when he has the urge to write, he is saving himself instead.Just like now, when he heard Gao Xinye ask him what he wanted to write, he stood there motionless, but his tears couldn't stop flowing.

"...but Song Qu is dead." His nasal voice was heavy, "There is nothing to write about, he is dead, it's over."

"What about his mother?" Gao Xinye finally stood in front of him, carefully opened his hand, and took away the seal.But Jian Chengxi immediately grabbed the bottle of wine again, like a baby holding a milk bottle and refusing to let go, tilting his head up and about to pour it into his mouth.

"You can't drink—" Gao Xinye raised the mouth of the bottle, spilled the wine, and sprinkled it into his hands with tears.

"Can you let me drink, please let me drink, let me drink. I really can't bear it, you let me drink tonight, please."

"I beg you too." Gao Xinye hugged him tightly and suppressed, "Your stomach can't take it."

"...Then I'll eat." Jian Chengxi discussed with him naively, "I have something in my stomach, can I drink more?" After he finished speaking, he broke away from Gao Xinye's arm and groped for a few A piece of bread, put it in his mouth and swallowed it without chewing it. This kind of rough eating is no less irritating to the stomach than alcohol. After only a few mouthfuls, he squats next to the trash can, spits it out in embarrassment, and then looks like a hedgehog hold yourself.

"Shall we go back to rest?" Gao Xinye stroked his back and softly asked the exhausted Jian Chengqi, "Have a good sleep, everything will get better slowly."

"It won't get better," Jian Chengqi shook his head weakly, "He really died, four years ago, when he was 21 years old."

"...Then how did he die." Gao Xinye asked him.

"In the water." Jian Chengqi raised his head.Even though he was in the dark, he squinted his eyes as if being pierced by the sun.

"You showed me some clips. In it, Song Qu was a very good swimmer. He was evenly matched with Lin Yuan in the 100-meter freestyle." Gao Xinye asked restrainedly, hoping that Jian Chengqi would change his mind, "How could he die in the water?"

"He cut his wrists in the water. In the bathtub, after losing too much blood, he gradually sank and drowned. Didn't you say... Didn't you mean that I don't care about other people's expectations, I just want to write what I want to write the most, What I want to write most is that Song Qu committed suicide and died! No one wants me to change this time, no one can save him!"

The more he spoke, the faster his breathing became, the more obvious his crying became, and the more hysterical his voice became.He obviously didn't drink, but he was more depressed and desperate than any alcoholic, as if it wasn't Song Qu who died, but himself.

"What about the living one? His mother is always alive!" Gao Xinye also raised his voice, "Song Qu is a piece of meat that fell out of her stomach. He is dead, how will his mother live?!"

"Why can't I live?" Jian Chengqi is usually so docile, but tonight, he actually had sex with Gao Xinye, "There is no one who can't live without her. She doesn't owe Song Qu, and no one has an obligation to save her. Save a mess! He is dead, gone, his family is relieved, everyone is relieved!"

"What about Lin Yuan?" Gao Xinye said so firmly, as if it wasn't Lin Yuan, it was himself, "He loves Song Qu, love! Song Qu's mother must also love his son."

"...But he is really dead." Jian Chengqi broke down.

"...Then you finish writing this follow-up." Gao Xinye insisted, even a little bit forced, "You have to be responsible to the people who are still alive, you have to finish writing!"