bucket list

Chapter 17 Free Constraints

As the Winter Olympics is approaching, although short track speed skating is not usually a very popular competition, it is still one of the strengths that the Chinese team is most likely to win medals in the Winter Olympics.Zong Chi held the freshly obtained tickets, triumphantly went to the hospital to ask Jian Changche to ask for credit, but the other party just glanced at it lightly, nodded and said, "That's right, then you can give it to her by the way, Room 11."

Zong Chi was a little dissatisfied with his attitude, but he still walked towards the ward obediently.The girl's bed was on the outermost side, and he walked through the corridor and saw it at a glance.The place covered by the thin sheet had collapsed for a while, making it look empty.

At this time, Zong Chi suddenly thought of——Jian Changche said earlier that the little girl is not only a crazy enthusiast of short track speed skating, but also a professional player herself.Now that his limbs are unfortunately amputated, he will definitely never be able to participate in regular competitions in the future. Wouldn't it be even worse to rush up and give away tickets to other people's games?

But he hesitated for half a second, and when he raised his head, he happened to meet the girl's eyes, and the girl recognized him almost immediately: "Ah!"

Zong Chi had no choice but to bite the bullet and enter the house.

"You are really a volunteer in this hospital." The girl looked a little surprised, "I thought you were participating in some secret project, just wearing a volunteer clothes to confuse the audition."

"What?" Zong Chi laughed, "You are the only one today?"

"Well, my mother went to work." The girl said.

Zong Chi nodded, and the girl smiled at him again, her slightly childish face was faintly haggard, after seeing it, he didn't know how to speak, so he also fell silent.

A few days ago, a few torrential rains passed, and the restlessness and anger of the summer were all extinguished and drenched, seeping and settling into the soil, and the air suddenly became much cooler.The window and door of the girl's ward were open, and a gust of draft blew up the hair at the corners of her clothes, and a sweet fragrance suddenly wafted in the air.

"It smells so good." She widened her eyes slightly.

"There's an osmanthus tree in bloom downstairs, it's a big one."

"I want to see it." The girl yearned.

"Yes," Zong Chi said, "It is said that you are recovering well, and you will be discharged from the hospital in a week. At that time, the flowers will still bloom well."

"Yeah." The girl's complexion sank when she heard the words, she showed a wry smile, and looked down at her knees: "You know, in fact, you should have known it last time."

Zong Chi sighed softly and nodded.

The smile disappeared from the girl's face: "I see, are you also here to sympathize with me?"

"No." Zong Chi said.

The girl looked away and stared blankly at a corner of the bed curtain.After thinking for a while, Zong Chi pulled out his chair and sat down.

"Some time ago, my grandma passed away."

The girl suddenly turned her head, took a breath and was about to say something, Zong Chi quickly raised her finger to indicate that it was okay: "She has been ill for a long time, and she lives in this hospital, on this floor."

"My grandma is a very good and kind person. She doesn't have any bad habits. She goes to bed early and gets up early, and eats healthy. I think she must be one of the least deserving people in the world to get cancer." He pursed his lips, " Then I came to this hospital. The doctors and nurses here are at least the first in the province in terms of professionalism, and their professionalism is also very high, but they are still powerless to snatch people from death. What I mean by this is , Many things in this world are illogical, and far from being ethical. You do your best, but you still can only obey the destiny. I don't think my grandma should have passed away so early, and I don't think you should suffer half of it now. This pain, but life and death are just so, so unfair."

"After she left, people who knew her and me would say sorry as soon as they saw me. They were sorry, and so was I. Later, 'sorry' gradually became the last thing in the world I wanted to hear. This sentence contains a lot of unspoken meanings, a kind of powerlessness, a kind of letting go, and a kind of self-abandonment. It seems that saying this is forgiveness. I have expressed my due attitude and apology. That's enough, what's gone has happened, what's happened has happened. Life can go on."

The girl didn't speak, and frowned slightly, as if she was remembering something while listening.

"Of course, there are also many people who are sincere and sincerely sorry. Oh, those who are sincere are even worse." He shook his head. "Of course I am angry and sad because of the injustice of fate, but I don't want to live in these Emotionally. I don’t want to see any heroic farewell, nor do I expect any touching memories and speeches. My only and greatest wish is that everything is normal. I only hope to go back to the past, before all this, Back to a normal, healthy, even boring life."

"This is probably because the tragedy itself is already a super-categorical variable. I think most of us are not used to facing tragedy, let alone how to react. At this time, the people and things around are not willing to conserve , unwilling to treat you like before, unwilling to help you maintain the last bit of stability. When they meet you, they hesitate to talk, and when they talk about related topics, they just wink at each other. They walk around you carefully, as if A taboo subject can break you."

The girl nodded slowly when she heard the words, paused for a moment, then nodded again.

"My mother promised me that after my surgery, she would ask for leave for a period of time and then take me out to play. Although I know that my hospitalization expenses have put a lot of pressure on her, it is not easy for her to ask for leave, and neither am I. I have to go somewhere to play. But now, she doesn't mention it at all, and even deliberately avoids the words "going out" or "going out". I sent my things home, including my skating gear, and I put them all in bags so I couldn't see them. I know they mean well, but to be honest, I really annoy them sometimes. "

"Can't you just treat me as a normal person?" She smiled self-deprecatingly, "But I guess it will be impossible in the future. No matter where I go out in the future, people will automatically classify me as a 'disabled person' just by looking at me." People' category. From now on, no matter what I do, this label will cover up everything."

Before Zong Chi had time to comfort her, she had already answered the words on her own: "What can I do, I can't change others, I can only change myself."

"Speaking of going out... I have something, I don't know if you're interested in it." Zong Chi said, "It was a gift from someone else, but I won't be free then. It's a ticket for the game in November."

As soon as the girl heard it, she immediately understood what he was talking about, and then opened her eyes wide in disbelief.Zong Chi slowly took out the ticket from his pocket: "There are two tickets, you can have one for yourself, one for your mother, or something for a classmate, it doesn't matter."

"What are you...how are you?" The girl was incoherent, staring at the ticket in his hand in shock, but did not dare to pick it up.

Zong Chi gently put the ticket on her bed sheet: "A little angel told me." He thought for a while, then laughed: "It's a real angel, the one in white clothes."

Zong Chi left the girl's ward, feeling much lighter. He walked back to the office quickly, only to find that Jian Changche had disappeared.Another nurse looked up and saw him, and said, "Cheche quit smoking."

Zong Chi agreed, "Okay, thank you."

The colleague added another sentence: "He has been smoking more recently, so you take care of him."

Zong Chi waved his hands and said, "He won't listen to me."

After walking a few steps, he suddenly felt that something was wrong: Should I take care of him?

Keeping the strange feeling in his heart, Zong Chi wandered downstairs absently, and saw Jian Changche squatting in front of the small garden across the street as usual.

Zong Chi swaggered across the street, walked up to him and stood still, looking down at Jian Changche's furry head with a blank expression, and said, "Smoking less."

Jian Changche let out a "huh" casually, as if the left ear went in and the right ear came out.Zong Chi added, "It was your colleague who asked me to take care of you."

Now Jian Changche reacted, he suddenly raised his head, opened his mouth halfway, and half of the cigarette fell out of his mouth.

Zong Chi felt amused for a while, but still deliberately kept his face straight: "Yes, I also found it strange after listening to it. What nonsense did you say to them?"

"I didn't say anything," the other party was completely dumbfounded, and murmured again: "I didn't say anything."

Zong Chi took the opportunity to stamp out the cigarette butt, then kicked it out again, imitating him to squat down and look at the endless traffic in front of the hospital.The two were silent for a while, Zong Chi glanced sideways at Jian Changche's face - he looked a little depressed, and his young face was almost full of anger.Zong Chi still couldn't help laughing: "I'm just joking."

Jian Changche didn't want to talk to him very much, and it took him a long time to squeeze out a dry "Oh."

"What are you doing, I'm joking with you. But they really said that," Zong Chi bumped him lightly with his shoulder, and said intentionally, "Could it be that I've been so ostentatious in my normal life that they caught me? "

Jian Changche subconsciously "poofed" and snorted angrily.After a while, he suddenly said quickly: "If someone asks, I will not lie."

Zong Chi didn't realize what he was saying for a moment, but then he understood: "Aren't you afraid of losing your job if you dare to come out at work?"

"That's also impossible."

Zong Chi couldn't help but feel miraculous.

When he accidentally ran into Jian Changche arguing with his ex-boyfriend that time, he said the same thing - although he didn't want to, he didn't care if the fact that he was gay was going to make trouble in front of his colleagues and leaders.In order to make money and to renew the contract for the expensive cemetery, this person worked three shifts a day, and even applied for the night shift for the meager night shift fee.But on the other hand, he never seemed to think about some principled things, and he didn't mean to compromise at all.

He always seems to be like this, going his own way, tattooing, smoking, being misunderstood and not defending himself.

"The little girl is very happy to have given the game ticket," Zong Chi said.

Jian Changche let out a muffled "huh".

After a while, he couldn't help but said, "Why are you staring at me?"

"It's nothing, it's just..." Zong Chi got closer and closer maliciously: "It's very interesting to watch your face slowly turn red."

As soon as his words fell, Jian Changche immediately started to play, and rushed back as soon as he took a step, almost knocking Zong Chi over.Zong Chi laughed loudly, waved his hands behind him and shouted: "I have something to do today, I'll leave first, I'll see you later!"

Jian Chang raised her middle finger without looking back.