Brothers second and third

Chapter 18

Chapter 18

Since the accident in Dalian, I don't know if it's a psychological effect or something else, anyway, I always feel my head is numb.After returning to school, sometimes when I was working on a project, my head would inexplicably hurt, as if a needle was stuck on the right side of my head.

Back to school from Dalian, one day about two weeks later, I was joking and chatting with Li Zhe the night before, but when I woke up the next morning, my head hurt like someone had hit me with a stick. I lay on the bed with my head in my arms, curl up into a ball.The second child was sleeping in a daze, listening to the sound of my humming, I knew that my head started to hurt again.He hurriedly jumped out of bed and stood at the head of my bed, rubbing my back with one hand, and asked me: "How is it, why do you have a headache again?"

"I don't know, but now... my head hurts like it's about to split."

"It won't work if you continue like this, I'll take you to the hospital today and check again!"

Curled up on the bed, waiting for the headache to go away, went to the restaurant with the second child to have some breakfast, and took a taxi directly to the Second Hospital of Medical University.While queuing up for registration, the second child was running around in the hall, and I sat on a bench and watched him.I took the receipts all morning for CT and MRI...I queued up one by one to check, and it was already evening.The doctor said that now it seems that my brain is not damaged, and it may be the sequelae of the concussion.But the doctor at Dalian Hospital told me that as long as I had a good rest, I would be fine?After listening to my words, the doctor said, "I don't care what other people diagnose. Anyway, I didn't find anything wrong here. If you are worried, go to Beijing Hospital to have a check."

I spent a whole day in the hospital with my second child, but I didn't find out the cause of my headache.But from this day on, almost every morning there will always be headaches one after another, sometimes strong, sometimes mild, coupled with the slow progress of the subject and the boss's indifference, my whole mind is about to collapse .Then one morning I simply banged my head against the wall, and the pain on the outside relieved the pain in the cranial nerves instead.

Second child: "You are crazy! How can someone who hits the wall like this bear it?"

"Second... my head hurts..."

The second child hugged me from behind: "If you bear with it, it won't hurt anymore."

I held my head and saw that my second child's eyes were moist.

After a long time, the pain gradually dissipated.I was sweating profusely on the bed.A ray of bright sunlight outside the window spreads on the concrete floor, and a fly flutters its wings comfortably in the sunlight.I let go of the half-wet pillow and sat up, thinking that I don't know what evil I did in my previous life to suffer so much in this life.For so many years, the departure of relatives and the identity of comrades have made me breathless. I kept telling myself that one day I will be better, and one day I will be happy, but now...

I sighed: "Second brother, I want to take a break from school."

"It's time to take a good rest. If you continue like this, I won't feel well."

The second child held my head and pressed it against his forehead. I smelled the unique smell of the second child, and felt a little sad.

This morning, my second child accompanied me to go through the formalities of suspending school. After we finished, we got a room in the hotel, and we just hugged each other quietly.I lay in the arms of my second child, feeling very warm.

I said, "I won't see you for a few months."

"I can go to your house to see you."

"Too far."

"No matter how far away, as long as you are there, I will go."

I raised my hand and touched my second child's face, I don't know how long we can be happy together like this.We were tired of being in the hotel for a long time that day, without doing anything, just lying on the bed, watching the sky outside the window gradually darken, and the street lights stretched to the edge of the city like stars.

The next day I packed my luggage, took the train home, and said goodbye to my classmates one by one. The second child shook my hand in the crowd: "Come back early."

In fact, I don't even know if I can come back, or if I can continue to study, and if the headache keeps coming back, I don't know what I will do in the future.All the way on the train, my thoughts were mixed and I was full of depression.The train backed up to the passenger car, on the small road to the village head.I haven't returned to my hometown in summer for a long time. At this time, the rapeseed flowers in the field beside the road are just in bloom, and large yellow florets cover the entire hill.Going home along the path, passing the barren well at the head of the village, an old big yellow dog lay under a tree and barked lazily a few times.When I got home, my aunt was choosing vegetables with her head down, and I said at the door: "Auntie, I'm back."

She raised her head in surprise, then froze for a while: "De Peng? Why are you back?"

"I'll go home to have a look and stay for a few days."

My aunt hurriedly put down half of the wild celery she had picked out, and put my bag in the back room.She took my hand and looked at me carefully over and over again: "Baby lost weight, wait, I will cook something delicious for you."

I hurriedly held her back: "No need, I ate on the way, let's eat together at night, I'm not hungry now."

"Then make you an egg custard first."

Auntie is not very old, but her legs and feet are not so agile. She took out two eggs from the chicken coop and walked tremblingly to the kitchen.I followed to the kitchen, picked up the big broom at the door and stood it by the courtyard wall.

"Where are my brother and sister-in-law?"

"Your brother works in the town, and your sister-in-law also cleans for others."

"Where's the little nephew?"

"Your uncle is holding it to visit. It's his baby, and he won't let go of it all day long."

I looked at my jealous aunt and smiled: "It's not bad, my grandson must be in pain."

The aunt also laughed: "Yes, we are getting older and older, hugging our grandson, basking in the sun, these are our days."

While cracking eggs, she asked me expectantly: "Baby, do you have a date now?"

I didn't want her to worry, so I said casually, "Yes."

My aunt happily put down the bowl in her hand, took my hand and said: "Finally, I have a partner, when will I take it home and show it to my uncle and aunt."

I said vaguely: "Wait later... if you have time."

"The sooner the better, this way our old couple will be relieved, and we will be worthy of your parents at last."

I looked at my aunt's smiling eyes, and there was nothing but indescribable helplessness in my heart.

In the evening, the eldest brother and sister-in-law also came back. The sister-in-law was very happy and cooked a lot of dishes. The family sat in the yard chatting and eating. It has been a long time since I have such a warm feeling. My heart is warm and soft.When I was sleeping at night, my elder brother walked into my bedroom and talked about how my little nephew was growing up so fast, and that the harvest should be good in the rainy fields this year. Finally, my elder brother said: "Did you encounter any difficulties? Why are you going home at this time? Are you still studying?"

"It's okay, I just want to go home for a while."

"Don't lie to me. My brother is uneducated, but I still know very well in my heart that you are not studying at school and come home at this time. Did you get expelled from school?"

"How is it possible, no."

"Then what's the matter, tell me, I'm your big brother!"

"It's... nothing, just a head injury, go home and rest for a while."

When my eldest brother heard this, he thought that someone outside was bullying me, so his tone immediately increased: "Who bullied you, Depeng? Brother, go and deal with him!"

"It's not brother, it's an accident. I accidentally bumped my head. Don't yell. It will make my uncle and aunt anxious."

My brother looked at me: "Is the injury serious?"

"It's not heavy, just get some rest."

The eldest brother said: "No, tomorrow you will go with me to the town hospital for an examination."

"No, I checked at the school, and the doctor said it's all right, just rest more."

"Really?"

"I did not lie to you."

The eldest brother was half-skeptical: "Don't hide things by yourself, just be yourself."

"Don't worry bro."

After seeing off the elder brother, lying on the bed, the whole person relaxed.I don't want to tell them that I don't want them to worry. In fact, I know in my heart that my headache has two results. One is that I will get better after rest, and the other is that I may have to live with pain all the time.I don't know if I will get better, I just feel that I can't trouble them anymore, although we are a family, but I really owe a lot to my uncle and aunt.

Uncles and aunts are not my biological parents. I was fostered by my uncles and aunts when I was six years old.

As long as I can remember when I was young, I knew that my father only drank alcohol, drank all day, and when he was drunk, he would lie in the yard and yell. I listened to my mother's yelling and crying behind the door, and I was so scared that I trembled all over.Then one day he disappeared from home, and he didn't know where he went. His mother cried all day long, and later, his mother also disappeared.What remains in my memory is only my mother's fuzzy hands, with thick and big fingers, but they are very white and beautiful.

Later, when I started to understand a little bit, there were children who called me Xiaoyezhong. I couldn't beat them, and my clothes were torn, and I hid in the haystack and cried, crying very sadly.Later, I heard many things. They said that my father was a criminal. In prison, they said that my mother ran away with the salesman. They said that I was a bastard that no one wanted.I went home crying and asked my aunt, she said with red eyes that it was all fake, she was my mother, but I knew that I only entered my uncle’s house when I was six years old and slept with my brother.

The crackdown was severe that winter, and after the public trial of my father's case, he was sentenced immediately.I don't remember anything, I only know that many people from the village rushed to the town, they were crowded like New Year's Eve, my aunt took my brother with one hand and me with the other and squeezed in the crowd.Later, the house set up a white banner tent, and the drummer played and beat, and the uncle cried.

When I grew up, I heard gossip from other people, saying that he was drinking and beating people to death. Later, in 1983, the whole country cracked down hard and caught the typical example; it was said that she cried for a long time by the well at the entrance of the village, and finally followed the passing peddler. No one ever saw it again.

I don't hate him and her, it's life.

After he left, our Shan family was looked down upon and ridiculed by the whole family. They refused to let his last ashes be buried in the ancestral grave. People in the family said that the blessings of future generations were polluted. Under the strong objection of his father, he buried his brother in the ancestral grave with a kitchen knife in his waist. My uncle said that anyone who refused to be buried would be killed. After a few years of trouble, our family finally calmed down.

On the night when I got home from school, it was strange to say that I had a long, long dream at night. The dream was so long. I dreamed that he was walking up and down by the barren well at the entrance of the village. He said: Son, come and see me ,I miss you so much.I can't see his face clearly, it's just that I was sad in the dream, I don't know why I was sad, it seems that I have a deep relationship with him.I also dreamed of her, she was still so young, as if she was still a child, she stretched out her hand to hug me, her hand was still so white.I also dreamed many, many things, all of which were memories of my childhood, but still smelled of alcohol and crying.

When I woke up in the morning, half of the pillow was wet with tears.Ever since I was a child, I have cried several times. Once, I was called a wild species. Once, my aunt dropped me off at the entrance of the village when I was going to university. Once, my second child found out that I was gay. Another time, I cried in a dream that night. Carefully Thinking about it, it seems that I haven't cried much since I was six years old.

I went to the grave the next day because in the dream he said he missed me.Pulled out the weeds, poured a few glasses of wine, and did not speak.I sat on the top of the mountain, looking at the sky in the distance, and the clouds drifted from east to west. I just sat like this for a whole day.