Balancing

Chapter 23

Once a person is intoxicated by his own weakness, he will continue to be weak, and will fall on the street, on the ground, or at a place lower than the ground under the eyes of everyone.

-Milan Kundera, "The Unbearable Lightness of Being"

Three days have passed on Tuesday. These days, Jian Ming went to and from work as usual, receiving medical consultations, formulating treatment plans, going to "Taoyuan" for dinner, and occasionally going home to cook some simple meals. Except for the change of location, except for going to work instead of going to class, The days seemed to go back to America's biological clock, calm and simple.

Wearing comfortable home clothes, he lay on the sofa doing nothing to meditate on this ordinary weekend night. He didn't turn on the TV tonight, but turned on the stereo and played a European and American country music vinyl record on a loop.

It has not been a month since he returned to China, and the denseness of the previous continuous rotation gave Jian Ming the illusion that he had been back for a long time.In the past few days, it has returned to the original rhythm, but it always seems that something is missing in my heart, and the whole person is empty.

Ever since he sent a message to Lu Heng that has not yet been answered, Jian Ming has never looked for him again. He admitted that there was an element of deliberate restraint. The sky is the biggest thing bothering Jian Ming.

Human beings are like this, the body is easy to control, but the mind is like a wild horse, it is inevitable to be greedy and contradict oneself in the face of desire/desire.

Jian Ming, who was meditating with his eyes closed, was still in self-hypnosis, when a phone call suddenly interrupted him.He looked down at his phone, it was Captain Gu.

"Hi, Jane, I'm Gu Tao."

"Oh, Captain Gu, hello." Jian Ming was a little surprised by Gu Tao's late-night call.

"Uh... I'm sorry for interrupting you so late. That's it. Last time I said that I might trouble you to come to the SWAT team this Saturday... Lu Heng's side is not ready yet, so...don't come here for now. , I’m afraid you’re still waiting for my letter, so I’ll make a call to let you know.” Gu Tao’s tone was hesitant, and he said a few polite words, directly explaining the purpose of the call.

Jian Ming was even more surprised.

"It's okay, Captain Gu, can I ask... is it Lu Heng's problem?" Jian Ming never believed that Lu Heng would voluntarily give up this opportunity. The last call between them, Lu Heng's excited voice was still vivid in his ears. How can you give up if you are only rushing to seize this opportunity?

"He... well... not all, he was injured, and the time to test him at this time is not very good, but it was only postponed temporarily, and he didn't say give up." Gu Tao said in a low and gentle tone. .

"Injured??" Jian Ming only heard these two words.

"Oh, it's okay, it's nothing serious, he didn't go to your counseling this week? I thought you knew." Gu Tao explained quickly when he heard Jian Ming's surprised tone. "Little Jane, I'm really worried about him. If he comes to your place, take a good look to see if he has repeated himself again. I haven't seen his appearance and eyes this time for a long time."

Then, Gu Tao roughly restored the fight between Lu Heng and Tian Kun to Jian Ming, and of course it was only what he knew.Until he finished speaking, Jian Ming simply responded with a few "hmm", and the reflex arc in his mind still stayed outside the space.

"Basically that's it. I've been waiting for him to take the initiative to explain the situation to me these days. The brat is really stubborn this time. He is willing to give up the chance to return to the team and not open his mouth. Sigh, but I also think that his kind There is no need to rush back because of the situation. Little Jane, I don’t understand psychology. I’m just afraid. Lu Heng’s temper is not to mention returning to the team. Even life is prone to accidents, and I can’t always be by his side. ..." Gu Tao expressed his worries in a chaotic way, repeatedly emphasizing them.

Jian Ming took the opportunity to interrupt him.

"Gu Dui, I see. I'll look for him. Don't worry. It's normal for him to go back and forth. I'll get in touch with you after I get to know it." Jian Ming only had one thought in his mind at the moment. Just looking for that little bastard.

After hanging up the phone, he got up from the sofa, turned off the music, rushed into the bedroom, changed into his outwear, and just wanted to make a call, but after thinking about it, he didn't make a call, and went straight out the door and ran to Lu Heng's house.

Lu Heng locked himself in his bedroom and didn't go out for a few days. During this period, Li Wei came to visit once, but he was also repulsed by his indifferent arrogance.After all, being beaten by someone hurts self-esteem. Li Wei didn't dare to ask more questions, and naturally he didn't dare to get angry. As usual, he was very sensible and helped him take a good leave of absence at work, and kept his mouth shut and quietly waited for Mr. Lu to regain his strength and return with a new glow. .

After Jian Ming knocked on the door for 10 minutes and was ignored, he still called the little bastard.

One, didn't answer; two, didn't answer; the third, Jian Ming cut it off before it automatically hung up.He just concluded that there was someone in the room, without basis or reason, just intuition, simple and rude.

No matter it's close to eleven o'clock in the night, he yelled at the door. "Bastard, open the door."

God, is Jian Ming crazy?Did you hear me right, is he swearing?Lu Heng didn't hear the knock on the door or the phone call. He almost rushed to the door immediately and saw Jian Ming through the cat's eyes. However, Jian Ming couldn't show even a thousandth of the courage he had in a fight, so he was completely cowardly from head to toe.

"Listen to me, I don't care what the reason is, if you don't open the door after 1 minute, I will leave, and I will return your tutoring to my father in the future, and we... just pretend we didn't know each other before." Jian Ming heard the door There was a rustling sound, he purposely spoke seriously, but in fact he also thought so in his heart. It has been many years, and he has never made such a big fuss, Lu Heng, you are really capable, he sighed inwardly.

Lu Heng was frightened by his words and fell silent.

He held the doorknob with his hand, and quietly waited for the long minute and second to pass with the people outside the door... Just when Jian Ming sighed heavily, was about to give up, and turned to go downstairs, the door opened .

Lu Heng stood inside the door with his head bowed, his unshaven face, and his bruised appearance, and he didn't dare to look up.

"Are you willing to open? If you don't move out of 'Lao Jiang', will you still be unable to see you?" After Jian Ming thought for a long time, he couldn't figure out why, as a psychological counselor, he had to work hard to visit home in the middle of the night. He had to coax people to open the door to meet him with threats and tricks.

"No...it has nothing to do with him." Lu Heng still lowered his head, and the voice he made was like some kind of hypnotic hertz, which was almost inaudible with the ears alone, and had to rely on divine understanding.

"Can I go in?" Jian Ming didn't want to stand on the stairs for another second.

Lu Heng didn't speak, and turned his body sideways, letting Jian Ming with a frosty face enter the room.

Seeing the mess and mess in the house, Jian Ming held his breath. Several fast food boxes were thrown at the door of the living room and the bedroom. The clothes and pants that hadn't been washed for a few days were scattered on the sofa, and one trouser leg slipped waywardly to the ground. .

Lu Heng closed the door gently, seeing Jian Ming looking at the room motionless, and hurriedly wanted to clean up, but was suddenly stopped by a strong arm.

"That's it, very Lu Heng, let me meet the real you."

Lu Heng looked at Jian Ming's face, and said guiltyly: "I haven't gone out for a few days, so..."

"I know, you haven't gone out for more than a few days, you plan to never go out for the rest of your life, right?" Jian Ming didn't have any good words to say. After holding back for a long time, he finally couldn't help asking: "What's the matter?"

Lu Heng stood dumbfounded by his sudden question, his face became more and more gloomy.

"How is your injury?" Jian Ming caught his change and changed the way of asking.

"It's okay, it's almost over." Lu Heng touched his face subconsciously, with an expression of indifference.

Jian Ming walked towards the bedroom, and pushed open the half-covered door, a strong smell of smoke wafted into his nostrils, and the whole bedroom was surrounded by clouds and mists like a fairyland.

"Shit" he couldn't control it and swears.

Lu Heng looked at him in astonishment.

"How much have you smoked? There are many ways to want to die. I don't know how many I can teach you. You don't have to be so stupid to use this." Jian Ming's eyes were bloodshot, and his voice trembled.

"Before I met you, I was like this. This is the real me, let you down, Jane Tutor." Lu Heng felt humiliated, and simply smashed his self-esteem like a layer of silkworm wings, and it shattered into two petals at the touch.

Some things were not covered, but relaxed. He raised his head and strode past Jian Ming into the bedroom, sneering, but walked to the window obediently, drew the curtain and opened the window.

"What a bastard, there's no one left." Jian Ming sneered, as if talking to himself.

"Yes, I am the king, the eighth, and the egg." Lu Heng turned his head and looked at Jian Ming leisurely, affirming his words with a clang.

"........."

"Have you finished admiring it? I'm not dead yet, and someone will come to collect my body when I die. I can't bother you, so you go, don't give it away." Lu Heng looked at the clean and elegant person opposite him, and felt that the distance was so far away. Touching is an extravagant hope. Before, I didn't know the heights of heaven and earth, and I wanted to chase after people. It was just a dream.

People from two worlds, if they insist on getting closer, they will only hurt others and themselves, so why bother.Lu Heng rejoiced that he knew the current affairs, but fortunately everything came in time, let's go back, I don't need a mirage.

After Lu Heng issued the eviction order, he picked up a cigarette from the bedside and was about to light it when Jian Ming knocked him down to the ground.

For a few minutes the air condensed.

"16 years ago, there was a boy whose parents died suddenly without warning, and he didn't even know the truth of the cause of death. His only sister was lying in a vegetative state in the hospital, and then a group of unknown people would appear around him every day and tell him that he didn't want to die. If you know what you know, comfort him to be brave. Do you know what he thought about the most that year?" Jian Ming actually quietly told the story, telling the ups and downs of that year in a calm tone. Squinting his eyes, he looked at Lu Heng and asked him some questions.

He didn't expect the answer from the little bastard. He picked up the cigarette that he had knocked on the ground, snatched the lighter from the other party, lit it for himself, and took a deep breath. Choked out.

"It's really hard to smoke." Jian Ming frowned, passed Lu Heng with a cigarette between his hands, and stood in front of the window, his eyes drifted into the empty night sky following the white smoke.

"At that time, the boy was studying every day. How can he die quickly and without pain? Hehe, you must have never experienced the feeling of dying. Let me describe it for you. First of all, you will look down at your body and see See the busy medical staff around you, and then a tunnel will appear in front of you. The light at the end will guide you to see the important pictures of your short life experience. These pictures contain memories you want to escape, but more are those you The people and things you care about, the short-term sense of relief will be quickly replaced by reluctance, and you will no longer want to go to that bright place, you will struggle, you will be afraid, you will...do not want to die like this, no matter how determined you were before You really want to leave this world that brings you pain, at that moment, you just want to go back..." Jian Ming's voice gradually faded away, he lowered his head and wanted to take a breath of the cigarette in his hand, but before he could taste the taste inside, he was constantly Silently, Lu Heng was snatched away.

"Stop talking." Lu Heng said in a suppressed voice, his heart was twisted into a polygon by Jian Ming's words, and every corner of the water chestnut oozes distressed blood...

"You think death is easier than life? Heh, how naive." Jian Ming suddenly remembered the first sentence he said to him when he saw Lu Heng for the first time. Unexpectedly, he went around and went back to the starting point. He laughed helplessly at himself.

"You can ignore the living people, you can turn into a cold corpse... But what about the living people? What about them?"

Lu Heng looked at Jian Ming who seemed to have fallen into another dimension, and his heart was pierced.

"Don't say it...don't talk about Jian Ming" At this moment, he hated himself and gritted his teeth. Jian Ming was right, he was really naive and hopeless.

"I..." Jian Ming wanted to say something else, but Lu Heng pulled his arm and hugged him tightly from behind.

"I was wrong, I was wrong...don't say it..." He buried his head deeply into Jian Ming's shoulder, and his sobs were about to come out.

Jian Ming felt the body temperature from behind, it was so hot that he wanted to burn himself, he straightened his back unnaturally, but he didn't break free from this warm embrace.

"En." Jian Ming closed his eyes and responded softly.

In an instant, there was a cool wetness slipping behind his ears, and Lu Heng's breath rushed towards him in an instant, enveloping him hotly, two lonely souls, trying to merge with each other at this moment...