Balancing

Chapter 2

Time is like a blunt-toothed knife, pulling back and forth in Jian Ming's heart until the remaining memories are polished to bright red corners.No matter how long it has passed and how far away, some memories are like souls, always entangled with you when your will is weakest, never ending...

Since he was sensible, he found that the adults around him were always envious of his family. When he was a child, he knew nothing except that his parents were important scientific research members of the National Research Institute. He is mysterious and often does not go home for several days.

But in that era when national honor was the first priority, they were undoubtedly excellent, and they were beyond the reach of most people. After giving birth to a younger sister, the family of four was regarded as a model of a perfect family by the neighbors.

Jian Ming often thinks that if he had been more self-willed and insisted on not letting them go to the amusement park that day, maybe that disaster would not have happened.Or, listen to the words and follow along, and witness the tragic death of your parents in front of your eyes. Maybe you can also freeze in the time 16 years ago like your sister, without seeing or hearing. This is not a bad thing. Any choice will be tens of thousands of times stronger than suffering the painful ending alone.

Children's Day, what a lively day, early in the morning, I still chatted with them about going out, my younger sister was about to go to the amusement park, but the little boy was only thinking about the Science and Technology Museum. In the end, the younger sister won, I was bored at home for a whole day, listening to crickets arguing, watching Uncle Dong Hao telling stories on TV... Finally, I just lay on the bed motionless, looking out the window, the sky... really blue, cloudless...

It would be great if time stopped here.

But, if only if...

In the evening, in a daze, I was led to the hospital by several uncles, and led to the door of the mortuary. They said, don't go in... Actually, I should have listened to them, but after all, I still walked in by a ghost. In front of the two blood-soaked cold corpses before they had time to deal with them, their bodies were covered with blood spots, and there were terrifying depressions everywhere on their bodies under the white sheets, but the expressions on their faces were surprisingly calm and serene.

In an instant, I seemed to have fallen into another parallel space, my scalp and toes were paralyzed by fear, I even forgot to shout, cry, and breathe. That day I finally realized that it turns out that the extreme fear cannot be screamed out.

Jian Ming still doesn't want to recall that moment, and he doesn't dare to think about it.I only know that when I reacted, there was only one thought left in my mind, sister.

However, this younger sister who is cheerful every day will never laugh again...

...

You can get used to many things in three years, and you can change many things in three years.

But with Lu Heng, three years is nothing.

Nothing but stink.

In the endless chaotic swamp, there was a light and shadow approaching Lu Heng. He tried to open his eyes to see what it was, but it was still blurry. He only felt that the light was very warm and reassuring... He rubbed his eyes, and the light and shadow became more and more Clearly, "Mom", I seem to have returned to the appearance of a five or six-year-old child, shouting and rushing towards her, but no matter how hard I run, I still stay where I am...

Suddenly, the eyes went dark... When the light came back on, my mother was bound and crushed in the mud by several men with hideous faces. She struggled in pain and shouted to herself: "Xiaoheng, save mom, save mom... "Why can't you move, why? ?Little Lu Heng burst into tears in anxiety, and the tears flowed more and more until he slowly fainted into a ball of blood red...

"Mom——" Lu Heng woke up with a loud cry, rolled from the bed to the ground, his whole body trembling and curled up in a ball, his limbs kept shaking uncontrollably, his hands held his head, and he let out a sob that he was forced to suppress.

I can't remember how many times, but every time I dreamed, I was still as terrified as the first time.Lu Heng vigorously opened the drawer at the head of the bed and took out a yellow medicine bottle. After opening it for a long time, he found that the bottle was empty.

"Fuck, fuck..." Lu Heng threw the medicine bottle against the wall, frowned, and lay down on the ground in pain.

The trembling time this time was longer than last time, Lu Heng knew it was time to find Lao Jiang.

...

When Jiang Luchuan returned home, it was close to twelve o'clock, and Jian Ming was still sitting on the sofa in the living room watching the rebroadcast of today's statement on TV, just like six years ago, with the volume turned down very low.

Hearing the sound of the door opening, Jian Ming stood up, walked to the dining table, and habitually poured Jiang Luchuan a glass of water and handed it over, "Thank you, haven't you forgotten?" At home, the first thing is always to drink a glass of water first, and it has been like a day for ten years.

Jian Ming smiled and said nothing.

"Dad, is there something important about letting me return to China early this time?" Originally planning to return to China after the clinical case seminar held by Yale University, Jiang Luchuan called him back directly in advance.

"Well, there are a lot of things for you to do when you come back this time. Even if you have studied hard for ten years, it's time to test your learning achievements." He patted Jian Ming's shoulder and walked towards the sofa with a smile. "Come on, come and have a seat."

"Jian Ming, you already finished your doctoral studies last year, why did you decide to stay for another year?" Jiang Luchuan looked at his son who was already half a head taller than himself, but what came to his mind was that year when he stood at the entrance of the research institute , a 13-year-old boy who is helpless and desperate.

Jian Ming paused, and adjusted his glasses on the bridge of his nose, "My tutor opened a research topic on 'PTSD' [post-traumatic stress disorder] causing autism, and I applied to join it on my own initiative,... I'm sorry , I didn’t tell you at the time.”

Why didn't Jiang Luchuan understand his obsession with his sister, and didn't answer the conversation. He nodded and changed the subject, "When did I learn to wear glasses? I remember you are not nearsighted."

"No prescription." Jian Ming smiled and lowered his head, subconsciously touching the frame of the mirror.

"Did you go to see Jian Qi?" Jiang Luchuan asked.

"Well, I went late today, I want to go tomorrow."

Although Jiang Luchuan is his adoptive father, he was also the professional mentor he admired the most during the four years before going to the United States. Jian Ming knew that he was lucky to be able to study with this senior psychologist who is well-known at home and abroad so early of.

And Jiang Luchuan also knew that for Jian Ming, his teacher was always more important than his father. They got along with too much respect, but they lacked the intimacy that should be between father and son.I have no children, and I don't have any experience to apply, so I will only have many students in my life.

"Well, the last time I went to see Jian Qi, she was doing well. Why don't we go together on Friday, I happen to be free that day, so I'll go to Director He by the way, and ask him if it's okay to let you participate in the treatment."

"Dad..." Jian Ming couldn't control his excitement. He had been waiting for this day for ten years. He looked at Jiang Luchuan gratefully, his eyes were a little red.

"Silly boy, you think I've raised you for nothing." Jiang Luchuan smiled perceptively, then took out two stacks of heavy file bags from the file bag and put them on the coffee table in front of Jian Ming.

"I also want to report back. You first put away these two files of the SWAT team, and get familiar with them quickly in the past two days. PTSD, your strength, will be handed over to you from now on. I will go to the UK next Monday to participate An important exchange meeting may take about a month, and this is the reason why I called you back in advance."

Jian Ming took the file bag, opened one casually, and a silly grinning face popped out, perhaps because the silly smile was too contagious, the corners of Jian Ming's mouth raised unconsciously.

"Don't look at it, it's too late, you've been on the plane for so long, go and rest, and we'll talk about it tomorrow." Jiang Luchuan pressed Jian Ming's hand that wanted to keep turning, and before he could respond, he got up and went to the bedroom go.

When passing by Jian Ming, Jiang Luchuan heard a firm voice.

"I won't let you down."

The next day.

After six years, Jian Ming stepped into the "Baichuan" psychological counseling center again, and the familiar sandalwood scent wafted over him. He knew that this was Jiang Luchuan's long-term habit. soothe the nerves.

The layout of the office area has not changed much, but it can be seen that it should have been renovated in the middle, the entire corridor has been replaced with a new gray carpet, and the little girl at the reception desk is also very strange. The girl's lively greeting.

"You are... Teacher Jiang's student Jian Ming, right?"

student?Jian Ming was stunned for a moment, and after thinking about it, he nodded.

"Hello, my name is Chen Fei. Teacher Jiang has already told you that your office is in front, and I'll take you there." He walked out of the front desk and led Jian Ming to the third room in the corridor.If he remembered correctly, the fourth room next door and the last one in the corridor is Jiang Luchuan's office.

"Thank you, Chen Fei. Didn't Teacher Jiang come this morning?" Jian Ming was a little surprised. He didn't see anyone at home in the morning. There was a glass of milk and a few slices of toast on the dining table. A note, asking myself to come to the consultation office first with last night's files.

"Well, but Teacher Jiang called and said that he will take you to the office first when you come. Maybe he will come in a while. Teacher Jiang often appears so suddenly, haha."

Jian Ming had a good impression of this little girl named Chen Fei, her hearty laughter seemed to heal the silence of the entire corridor.

"Okay, then I'll wait for him here."

"Well, call me if you need something."

Jian Ming looked around this office, and it can be seen that it has been carefully arranged. The whole room is based on warm colors. There is a white desk with very simple lines on the left side of the entrance. Supplies are very detrimental to patient concentration.

On the right is a gray reclining chair, and there is a pair of small speakers on the square platform next to the reclining chair. Well, this should be an area for relaxation and treatment. Lu Heng smiled slightly, and was very satisfied with this office.

Putting down the document bag, sitting on the chair and taking off the glasses, Jian Ming rubbed his eye sockets vigorously. Unfortunately, he didn't sleep well at night, and now he feels a little sleepy, and he was caught off guard by the jet lag.

Suddenly, an anxious knock on the door woke up Jian Ming who was about to close his eyes and take a rest.

He patted his face and put on his glasses.

"Please…."

Before the words were finished, a person, a man, rushed in like a gust of wind.

The slow Jiang Luchuan followed behind, teasing with a smile: "I said Lu Heng, this is not my office, don't scare my lover."

Lu Heng?