bad derailment

Chapter 64

The conversation of pedestrians, the ringing of car bells, and the screams of children in the buildings not far away can be heard all around.

Only the boundless silence spread between me and Chen Feng, like the muddy water that trickled down to my feet but couldn't escape, making me freeze in place, my mind went blank.

He walked towards me slowly, and stopped at a not too far away, and I didn't notice that he was holding something in his hand, which couldn't be seen in the bag.

"This is the last few things. I took the rest away two days ago," Chen Feng explained to me, and after he finished speaking, he was silent for a while, "I put the key on the kitchen table."

He didn't seem to know what to say at all, so he could only repeat what he had said a long time ago.

I still couldn't think, and even my voice couldn't work well, so I said dryly: "Okay."

Then there was another silence.

"Didn't he come back with you?" Chen Feng asked suddenly, unable to hear the rich meaning in his flat voice.

"Who?" I was stunned for a moment, and then realized something, my heart beat a few more times, "He still has work, he returned to Yancheng two days ago, and Gu Mingsheng and I are not what you think... ..”

"You don't have to tell me that."

Chen Feng interrupted my voice. He seldom did this before, but now he seems to be able to take it for granted that he doesn't care about my feelings, leaving a slightly sarcastic sentence: "Lin Yao, if you really want to explain, You wouldn’t have waited until now to tell me.”

He blocked everything I wanted to say with one sentence, as if he had seen through my low-quality trick.My lips moved, the emotions sealed in the box finally broke through the shackles, raging and flowing in the body.

"...I'm sorry, Chen Feng," I said very lightly and slowly, "This time it's true, I'm sorry for you, it doesn't matter if you hate me, it's all my fault."

But Chen Feng shook his head.

He really changed a lot, not only his personality, but even the silence in his eyes began to be covered with fatigue that he didn't have before.I don't like the look in his eyes, and I find it extremely ridiculous. It is clear that I am the culprit who made Chen Feng become like this.

"As you said before, we are all very tired from acting. It's better to stop here than to continue to pester." He pulled his facial muscles and smiled nondescriptly, "Lin Yao, I won't hate you, but I don't want to love you anymore."

Chen Feng clenched the bag tightly, his knuckles turned white, but he didn't seem to notice it, and continued to speak after taking a deep breath.

"Go back."

I didn't speak, and I didn't move. My legs were fixed in place as if they were filled with lead.Chen Feng seemed to have finished everything he wanted to say, he hurriedly looked away, then turned and walked in the opposite direction.

For a moment, I saw the moisture in his eyes, and he fled quickly before the embarrassment was revealed.

I stared blankly at his back that was getting further and further away, and my heart was suddenly occupied by dense panic. I took two steps forward and shouted uncontrollably: "Chen Feng!"

His figure paused, neither turning his head nor responding.

I couldn't say anything, it took all my courage and strength just to say it.

I hope he can come back and ask me why I called him, and give me another chance to explain, or give me a parting hug, instead of following through with such cold eyes.

But Chen Feng just paused for a moment, then continued to walk away as if he had never heard of it until he could no longer see it.

There were strange glances from passers-by around me, I stood where I was, and the world in front of me was spinning and blurring, even more violent than when I watched Chen Feng leave that day.

Every time we quarrel, no matter right or wrong, he will choose to bow his head to me first.He was quarrelsome and let go faster than anyone else, and even gave me the illusion—the illusion that he could forgive me for all my mistakes.

I dragged my heavy body and slowly walked into the corridor, inserted the key into the lock, and turned slightly to the right to open the door.The unspeakable coldness pierced my skin along the open room, I looked down at the carpet, there was no longer Chen Feng's shoes on it.

Everything is the same as it was before I left. Fruits and snacks are placed on the low table in the living room, and the wall clock on the wall is ticking, but it is different everywhere.The place that belonged to Chen Feng in the closet was empty, and there was only one of the two water cups next to each other on the sink. All the things that were in pairs disappeared in this house overnight.

There is a key lying quietly on the table, I should throw it away, just like Chen Feng erased all traces of his life here, I also want to erase his traces.

I picked up the badly worn key, hesitated for a long time, and put it in the drawer beside the bed.With the sound of "snap", it seems to lock the heart deeply.

He came with vigor and vigor, with the determination to disturb my life, but when he left, he left without a sound, leaving those controversial and our common memories in this house, and only took away a few clothes and some necessities .

He left all the things of the past five years to me alone, and completely disappeared in my world.I finally realized belatedly that this might be the last meeting between me and Chen Feng.

I still haven't packed up and lost my soul, wandering in confusion in this relationship that has ended, all kinds of life are pressing like a tide.

Editor-in-Chief Feng was very satisfied with the results of this business trip, and specially praised Zhao Quan and me during the meeting.I was sitting there in a daze, when I suddenly felt that everyone's eyes were on me, and I came back to my senses.

"Brother Lin Yao, Brother Feng praised you." Zhao Quan, who was sitting beside him, reminded in a low voice.

I got up quickly, and said the polite words of thanks before Editor-in-Chief Feng became dissatisfied.After the meeting, Zhao Quan and I walked together. He looked worried and asked, "Brother Lin Yao, are you really okay? I often see you in a daze when I'm working these days."

"It's okay." I forced a smile, "It's just that I didn't have a good rest at night."

Zhao Quan said: "Then you must pay more attention to rest. I feel that you were not in the right mood when you were in Shaocheng. I was wondering if you had some conflicts with Brother Gu."

Gu Mingsheng's face suddenly flashed across my mind, and after a while I said: "You think too much, what conflicts can I have with him?"

Zhao Quan said casually: "Then there is a conflict with my sister-in-law? There must be a reason."

I stopped, and Zhao Quan turned back in confusion after taking a few steps, and then seemed to realize something, and asked stumblingly: "Really, is it really about my sister-in-law? I'm sorry, brother Lin Yao, I just said it casually... ...."

"It's okay," I breathed out and said calmly, "I broke up with him, don't mention it anymore, go back to work."

"......it is good."

Zhao Quan nodded hastily, lowering his head and seemed a little regretful and trembling.

I didn't blame him for what he meant, but the thorns in the words were out of my control.Anxiety spread densely from the bottom of my heart, as if once I met Chen Feng, I would never be able to calm down again.

People are probably the most contradictory creatures in the world. Even if I tell myself over and over again that I don’t love him, I still flash his face ten thousand times in my mind every day.

This feeling was especially strong and crazy in the middle of the night. I woke up more than once in the early morning, sat on the bed with my aching temples in my head, and couldn't fall asleep again.

After getting used to the people around him, such an ordinary night became extraordinarily difficult.

"Fortunately, I don't have a cigarette addiction, otherwise the whole room would probably become smoky."

I said this to Gu Mingsheng in a self-deprecating tone, but he didn't answer, just sat in the driver's seat and drove quietly to his home.

If it weren't for Zhao Quan's words in the morning, I would hardly have realized the problem between me and Gu Mingsheng.

After returning from Shaocheng, he couldn't spare time because of his busy filming.Xiao Nan reported the situation to me from time to time, and I just replied "thank you" perfunctorily. I was not interested in anything, and I had no desire to understand. Except for the continuous work, I was in a daze all the time.

This is not a good state, I am slowly falling into a bottomless quagmire, and I need someone to help me, such as Gu Mingsheng, the only person I can trust.

He didn't have many announcements today, Xiao Nan told me cryptically in WeChat that this might be a good opportunity to chat with Gu Mingsheng without any worries like before.

I thought very well, but when I actually saw him, this kind of thought suddenly disappeared.Even an easy joke was overlaid with an indescribable heaviness, and the whole journey was quiet.

Gu Mingsheng, who hadn't responded until he arrived at his destination, turned his head and met my eyes.

"Xiao Yao, if you feel unwell, I can take you home now."

"Are you sure you want to say this to me downstairs in your house?" I almost laughed out loud, meeting Gu Mingsheng's gloomy gaze, "Go up first, I've been waiting for you for dinner."

The dark light in his eyes flickered on and off until it was covered by the drooping eyelids, and he didn't say anything more.

Gu Mingsheng and I finished dinner as usual, sat in front of the TV and chatted randomly, not knowing how it started, and who took the initiative, I rolled on the sofa with him.

"Xiao Yao."

Gu Mingsheng leaned against the cushion, and distanced himself from me after a chaotic kiss.

He seemed to realize what he was doing, and after a few silent gasps, he wanted to get up and leave, "Sorry, I'd better..."

I grabbed his collar and pressed my lips directly without any nonsense.

This is the first time I've seen Gu Mingsheng so passive. From being in the car, to the dinner table, to this moment, he seems to have countless things on his mind.

I'm not used to him hesitating like this, so I simply unbuttoned his clothes and untied myself with one hand.

"Xiao Yao, that's not right."

We kissed intermittently, almost all of our clothes were off, but Gu Mingsheng was still trying to avoid my touch.I sat on his body and felt his vivid reaction against the base of my legs, but Gu Mingsheng was unwilling to take the next step, pursing the corners of his lips and looking at me complicatedly.

For a moment, I seemed to see a strange self in his eyes.

"Why not?" I stopped stiffly and asked him hoarsely.

"You're too excited," I felt Gu Mingsheng's chest rising and falling, vibrating slightly with every sentence, "Xiao Yao, you have to calm down first."

"I'm calm now," I interrupted him with a smile on the corner of my mouth, "Gu Mingsheng, I want to have sex/love."

His expression froze, but he was soon overwhelmed by some kind of more unpredictable deep meaning.He looked at me, as if he had seen through me thoroughly, and said in a low voice, "You want to have/love, but you don't want to have/love with me. Xiao Yao, this is not called/love, it's called venting."

"Is there any difference?"

There was a fire in my chest, I ran around and couldn't find the way out, and couldn't help but say in the worst tone: "If you don't do it, I'll go find someone else."

In an instant, the world was turned upside down.

Before I could react, Gu Mingsheng was already on top of me.An aggressive aura hangs over him, and I finally read a trace of unhidden emotion from his eyes, which is called anger.

"Don't say such things again." He said in a low voice.

I laughed and asked back: "Didn't you force me?"

"Xiao Yao, I want to give you a little more time. After you come out completely, we will..."

"What does it mean to come out?" I interrupted him again, emphasizing each sentence, "Gu Mingsheng, our affairs have nothing to do with others."

I stared at him in silence, for a long while, I couldn't help but look away, "If you really don't want to do it..."

Before finishing this sentence, a menacing kiss completely shattered everything behind.

My mind was blank for a few seconds, and then I slowly hooked Gu Mingsheng's neck to cater to his movements.

Gu Mingsheng was right.

Doing/love should be skin-to-skin resonance and caress from body to soul, depicting the shape of love with movements.

But there is no love between me and Gu Mingsheng.

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Happy Tanabata everyone!