Autobiography of a paranoid patient

Chapter 18

(77)

It was getting late for Feng Yue to come back.

The flower shop is open every day from 08:30 in the morning to [-] in the evening, and Feng Yue often gets home before me.

But recently I can't see Feng Yue's shadow.

I was in a trance for almost a week, and even Miao Shu felt that something was wrong with me.

When he was resting in the evening, he ordered me a cup of whole sugar milk tea from the milk tea shop next door, and offered me to drink it. I was surprised for a few seconds.

Bite the straw and taste it, it's so sweet.

"What's wrong?" I asked him.

"Actually, I wanted to ask what's wrong with you." Miao Shu's tone was hesitant, but she didn't look like that boldly.

I shook my head and said with a smile: "Why do you think what's wrong with me? Buy me this..."

I raised my milk tea and was suddenly choked and coughed.

Miao Shu went to the side and poured me a glass of water, and I felt better after drinking it.

Ugh.

How can I still have a child to take care of now?

Miao Shu stared at me, and I didn't know what to say.

He seemed to see it, so he guessed: "Emotional?"

I paused, Miao Shu smiled.

"It was always like this when I was chasing Ah Qian before."

is it?

I thought about it.

Ah Qian was the person Miao Shu sent flowers to at the beginning, but now the misunderstanding is clear, and they get along for a while, and they are together.

"Actually, I'm not very good at these things. Otherwise, let Ah Qian come. We've been together for a while. In fact, I should treat you to dinner." Miao Shu said.

I waved my hand, "Don't, why do you always invite me, let me invite you."

So a strange meal was arranged somehow.

(78)

When I saw Ah Qian again, I thought she was prettier than before.

She greeted me generously, and I saw that she had no grudges in her heart, and she relaxed a lot.

The atmosphere during the dinner was quite pleasant. After we drank a little wine, Miao Shu asked.

"Brother Song, I think you're really tired."

I motioned for him to continue.

"I don't know," Miao Shu looked at me, "I just always feel that you are different from us."

I smiled and saw A Qian pushed Miao Shu, and apologized to me: "He drank too much."

I shook my head and said nothing.

Of course not.

The scars on my body that anyone who gets close can see are the most different places.

I live with a heavy burden of sin.

When I walked out of the restaurant, Ah Qian went to take a taxi, and Miao Shu barely stood against me, hugged my shoulder like a good brother, patted me hard a few times, and said Song Ge, you are too tired to live, why bother.

I watched Ah Qian take him away.

When getting in the car, Miao Shu held the car door, and even looked at me from a distance.

(79)

I didn't drink much, and when I got home after eleven o'clock, the living room was dark, but Feng Yue's room was rarely lit.

I walked over and knelt very softly by his door.

A lot of words and scenes went through my mind at once.

I remember when my mother knelt down to my father.

It's just that my dad was already crazy at that time, he couldn't read or understand, he only knew that his wife had betrayed him, but he couldn't even recognize his wife.

My mother also broke down. She yelled and slashed herself, my dad, and me with a knife. Our family was bleeding.

She begged my dad to let us go.

But my dad couldn't read or understand.

I didn't know who to blame, and then I thought it was me.

My parents are right, I should blame myself.

They once said that I was a gift from God, so they took a knife and opened the box severely.

If there was no me in this world, my parents would not be so loving, and probably they would not have so much hatred later.

If I don't have pain without me, and I can't see it, it's safe to assume they don't have pain either.

So I knelt outside the door, Feng Yue was inside, I thought that maybe I also brought pain to him, I brought pain to Yunan.

While I don't have any moments in the world that I want to be in, I still wish everyone around me had a better life.

Because I know all too well how painful those pains are.

(eighty)

I don't know how much time has passed.

The pain in my knee intensified, and from there rose an indescribable comfort that bound me.

Make me forget who I am and where I am.

Because my suffering is used to atone for sin, the more I suffer, the more he may be able to forgive me.

Just like my dad.

I heard the wall clock in the living room ringing constantly.

He heard someone passing by downstairs.

I heard the wind blowing the leaves, and it was going to rain again.

Hearing a sound in the room, Feng Yue pushed the door open.

(81)

He was barefoot, with beautiful bones arching under the skin, like mountains.

I couldn't help but leaned down and kissed his toes.

Feng Yue squatted down, and I raised my head.

I see his handsome jawline and I want to kiss him.

I slowly raised myself up, only a few feet away from him.

We exhale and mingle.

I lower my eyes, I want to kiss him.

Feng Yue pressed his palm against my lips, and walked past my face with his fingertips.

"You don't understand at all," he said to me in a weak voice, almost silently, "I don't want to use sex to solve problems every time."

He stood up.

"Let's go back."

I fell to the floor dejectedly.