Autobiography of a paranoid patient

Chapter 5

(28)

I never believed in the word love love love.

My mother said that she loves my dad very much, and my dad also said that he loves my mother very much. They all said that they love me and our family very much.

But the result is that my mother cheated, and she and the man she didn't love......, using my disgusting posture.

Sometimes people can have neither today nor tomorrow but only yesterday.

I stay forever in yesterday.

If it was just me yesterday, it would probably be bearable.

But my dad was left behind yesterday.

My dad still wanted to live, but he refused to let me live.

He never hit me, after all he really hurt me.

He just wanted to end his life frequently in front of me, but he was never cruel to himself.

I think if he lacks some courage, I may have it.

There has never been anything in my life that I can say I have.

So once in a while I cut myself, and I get extra bliss from the moment the pain flares up.

It turned out that I could choose to die.

(29)

When a woman loves a man, there is no way to hide it.

So I said it boldly, I was afraid that Feng Yue would not know.

But he obviously knew.

He kissed me very gently, as if to reward, but also as if to say: You are not sensible.

"I thought you'd hide it for her," he said, playing with me.

"Why?" I asked him.

"Who knows?" he said honestly. "I think you would."

I leaned on his shoulder and shook my head, smiling.

"I do not know……"

"Won't you?" he asked again.

He seemed to want to know the answer very seriously. I wanted to say that I was actually selfish. Before I could say anything, he came in again.

"Well...you won't?"

I will not answer.

(thirty)

It's just that sometimes Feng Yue is not too gentle with women.

(31)

I overslept from a night of messing around.

When I got to the flower shop, I heard Miao Shu talk about how anxious he was when he called me for more than ten minutes.

All in all, I'm fine.

I got used to the sequelae of doing AI, as long as Feng Yue is willing, I will be ready anytime.

It's just that the walking posture is a bit awkward, but Miao Shu didn't notice it.

He was still thinking about the girl he had met by chance yesterday morning.

"She actually belongs to our school. I ran into her again after returning home from get off work yesterday, boss," Miao Shu asked me cautiously, "Do you think we are destined for each other?"

"Of course," I answered him frankly, "you are very destined."

Miao Shu breathed a sigh of relief.

(32)

If Miao Shu told me that he wanted to chase this girl, then I would definitely help.

At least when he chooses to confess, wrap him a beautiful bouquet of flowers.

(33)

Talk about how this flower shop came about.

I can't describe it, I can only pull up my sleeves and let you take another look at the scars on my hands.

I originally planned to die, at least before my dad, so that I wouldn't have to watch him humiliate me in front of me all the time.

I have very few things to be afraid of, because I am enough to be scared in my own right.

But I'm afraid of my dad.

He sealed up his home and turned it into a dark, sunless box, and he shut me in to witness his self-torture.

But he can't die, and everything in the box has no end.

I wanted to leave and he handed me the knife.

At first, he held my hand and taught me, and later he asked me to accompany him. I couldn't refuse his request.

Because he always asks me: "Do you love Daddy?"

Of course I love it.

I looked into his eyes, those old, hopeless eyes that were already lined.

Always foggy, like dust floating in the light that sometimes comes through the cracks.

He asked me if I love him, this question is so sincere, if I say no, he will probably really find a way to disappear in this world, and I always want him to live.

I say love.

Then follow his will and slowly become like him.

I love my dad, I love my mom, and I love our home.

I often ask him if our mother will come back if we do this, he said yes, only then will there be some smiles on his face.

He was lying on the bed, the sheets were pure white, and when he answered me, I felt like I was standing in a hospital morgue.

The whole body is cold, but hope grows tiny.

(34)

I really waited until the day when my mother came back.

I thought she would never come back to this home again, I showed her the wound on my arm, how I longed for her to say that she likes it, that this is what she wants, this is how she lies with a man she doesn't love Think about it when you're in the same bed.

She didn't abandon me and my dad in the end.

My mother didn't give up her promise, it was my dad who gave up.

He waited until my mother came back, but left by himself.

He gave me a bank card and said it was a reward for me because I was always so obedient.

But I cried and said that I don't want it, what I want is for my mother to come back and we will be reunited.

Unexpectedly, no one was with anyone, my dad went to the real hell, and I stayed in the hell on earth.

I spent ten years in it, everything changed from head to toe, and I finally broke free from those white coats.

I stayed in a snow-white hell on earth and said I was going to a place full of colors.

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The author has something to say:

感谢大家的营养液感谢在2021-11-2317:41:34~2021-11-2416:22:20期间为我投出霸王票或灌溉营养液的小天使哦~

Thanks to the little angels of the irrigation nutrient solution: 15 bottles of little smile; 6 bottles of forget-me-not; 5 bottles of hem;

Thank you very much for your support, I will continue to work hard!